Mending Walls
by MelanthiaChase
Summary: The ongoing saga of Milla and Juice. This story takes place during season one. Juice/OC
1. Chapter 1

Nothing you recognize is mine. Only original characters are my own

Author's Note: The ongoing saga of Juice and Milla. I've skipped ahead a couple of years and this story starts with the Pilot episode.

**Mending Walls**

**Chapter One**

"Ok, I know Jax, I don't have time to look in on her. No, I'm not ignoring her; I really don't have the time. If I had the time I'd be screwing my boyfriend's brains out but I haven't even seen him in two days. Listen, if I find a quick break in my schedule I'll go check up on Wendy, but if she's high I'm wrestling her into a car and taking her to detox, ok. Ok, I'll talk to you later brother." I hung up and looked at the document in front of me.

I was trying to figure out how to cut the section out that mentioned the club without upsetting the narrative structure of the report. Ever since I'd started working at the _Charming Gazette_ I'd been stuck writing dinky reviews and the "This Week in Charming" feature. That changed six months ago when James Dart was fired from the paper. He had spent a year and a half as my tormentor, making me rewrite my articles until they were what he wanted, making me stay late to prevent me from seeing my man and just being an ass. Eventually things got so bad that the other staff members were noticing and an anonymous report found its way to the paper's owner, who happened to be an old buddy of my dad's. Dart was unceremoniously ousted and I received a nice promotion and raise. I became associate editor in charge of the investigative reporting and true crime reports. The job went a long way in keeping the MC out of the paper.

I finally figured out the right way to fix the problem and finished editing the article, which just left two more articles to go. I was hunched over the computer for hours more and still didn't get the editing done. I looked at the clock and saw that it was past quitting time. It was too late to check on Wendy but I could make it home in time to see Juice and make up for two days without him.

I got to my jeep and stretched, trying to get the kinks out of my back and decided that rather than go home I would go to the garage. I made my way and saw Lowell and Kip closing the doors. This new Prospect looked like he'd be working out. He was a good guy who put up with all their shit and went out of his way to support the club. I also liked flirting with him whenever Juice got too close to a crow eater.

"Hey Kip, my man here?" I shouted to him as I parked in front of the clubhouse.

"Yeah, he's here." He smiled and pointed to the clubhouse I smiled back and headed in that direction.

When I walked in I smiled, Juice was playing pool with Opie and obviously losing while Piney was running commentary. I went to the bar and leaned against it while I waited for Juice to see me. I didn't have to wait long.

"Baby!" Juice set down his pool cue and practically ran to me. I fell into his arms and he kissed me with all he had.

"Get a room you two, but not until he pays my boy what he owes him." Piney ordered from his spot by the table.

"How much do you owe baby? Will we be able to pay the mortgage this month?" It was meant to be a joke but I saw the furrow to Opie's brow.

"It's not much, just a couple c-notes. I've got some money coming from the run I did last night." He kissed my neck and I sighed.

"Finish your game baby, then we can catch up." He groaned then let go of me and went back to the table.

I got behind the bar and grabbed a coke while Juice lost more of our money. I wasn't sure if he was losing on purpose to give Opie money or was just sucking. After about his third "almost there" shot I realized that he was just sucking at the game tonight. They finished the game with a manly hug and Juice fished money out of his wallet. He looked at the amount in his hand then looked at Opie. I couldn't hear what he said but he came over to where I was sitting.

"Babe, you wouldn't happen to have three hundred on you, would you." He asked as he kept looking back at Opie who was laughing his ass off.

I reached into my bra and drew out the five hundred I kept for emergencies. Juice's eyes stayed fixed to my cleavage even as I counted out three hundred. I held it out to him and he was still entranced by the breasts he hadn't seen in two days.

"Baby, go give Opie his money." He smiled sheepishly then gave me a quick peck as he took the money.

They played another game just for fun while I went to sit next to Piney. He put his arm around me and pulled me close.

"You have a good man there girly. You gonna say yes to his proposal or just keep him dangling in the wind." Piney was referring to the fact that Juice had asked me to marry him a month ago and asked me at least once a week since then.

"Why do we need to get married? I have the crow; we own a house and our lives are a partnership. Hell we even have a joint checking account. Marriage is just a slip of paper; it means nothing in the context of us." I looked at Juice and smiled, I already felt like I was married to him.

"You just don't want to have your mother plan your wedding. I know you girl; I've been around since you were a baby." He kissed my hair and kept holding me.

"This is a big issue Piney, I need time to think. But if I do agree the wedding will _not_ be a Gemma Teller-Morrow production." He laughed and let me go.

I walked to the empty stripper pole and started doing some moves. I always loved the pole and hated that the crow eaters monopolized it. As I started a routine I used for my workouts, I was doing the strippercize program at my gym, I noticed Kip watching me with his mouth in an "o" I winked at him and continued using the pole. Suddenly some bump and grind music started and one of the boys from another charter came to the pole and held out a twenty.

"Where do I put this sweet thing?" He asked as I stopped in my tracks.

"You put it back in your pocket and walk away. She's an Old Lady." I stared in shock at Kip as he defended my honor.

"Shut the fuck up Prospect, I can see and touch what I want in this clubhouse and I want her." He reached out and grabbed my arm jerking me from the stage.

I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw Juice stalking over with a pool cue. Before he could get there Kip sucker punched the man who had my wrist, forcing him to release his hold, then gave him a brutal uppercut.

"I may be a Prospect but I know how to treat a lady." He looked around victorious, just as the guy got up and gave him a left hook. They fought for what couldn't have been more than a few seconds before Kip knocked him out cold. I saw blood trickle out of the corner of his mouth and went to him.

"You need some ice." I took his hand and led him to the bar.

I busied myself making him a makeshift ice pack when Juice came to the bar and glared at me, then Kip. He slammed down the pool cue and I flinched but didn't look up.

"What the fuck is going on here? You fucking the Prospect?" He reached over the bar and grabbed my arm, not roughly but not exactly gentle either, on instinct Kip grabbed his and yanked him away.

I gave the ice to Kip, then went around the bar and grabbed Juice by the collar. Once I had a good hold I dragged him back to the dorms and threw him into an empty one. I sat down on the bed and waited for him to continue his tirade. I had discovered it was best for him to let it all out before I tried talking to him, the jealousy tended to control what he heard.

"You aren't fucking the Prospect, I know. If I thought you really were he'd have a bullet in his skull. What was that about baby? Why did you do that? Why did he defend you like that? It's my job to protect you." Once he said that the focus of his anger became clear. He was jealous of Kip doing his job. I waited until he sat on the bed next to me before I climbed in his lap and started talking to him.

"Baby." I lifted his head so that he was looking in my eyes, "I love you more than anything. I was doing the routine because I never get a chance to use the pole, and I completely forgot that we had visitors from other charters. I admit that I flirted with Kip, but I do that all the time. I like the way he blushes and stammers. I think he defended me the same way he would defend Ma, Luanne, Donna, or any of the Old Ladies. I'm sorry baby, so sorry."

I leaned down to kiss him and he immediately responded, deepening the kiss and pulling me closer as he turned us around until I was underneath him on the bed. He reached between us and undid the button on my slacks before placing his hand inside. I bucked and moaned against him while I unzipped his jeans. I brushed my hand against him and found him hard and ready. We didn't need any foreplay, the display outside had made us both hot. As he surged inside me I closed my eyes in bliss and counted my blessings for having a man like Juice in my life.


	2. Chapter 2

Nothing you recognize is mine. Only original characters are my own

**Chapter Two**

"So, want a Spring wedding?" Juice asked as he held me to him and kissed my neck gently.

"Baby, why do we need to get married? I'm already your woman."I snuggled closer and he wrapped his arms tighter around me.

"I want everyone to know your mine, even the people outside of this world. I want you to be Millicent Gemma Ortiz and have little Ortiz's. I've never told anyone this baby but it's always been my dream to be standing at the altar saying "I do". You're the only woman in the world I want that with." I turned around to face him and saw the honesty in his eyes.

"If we get married it's _our_ wedding. My mom and dad can be there but I just want it to be us, if I say 'I do', it's going to be a small ceremony." He grinned and kissed me, then rolled me over for round two.

We stayed in the bed for a while just kissing and talking before we decided to go home. I wanted to stay close to him so we left my jeep at TM and rode home on his bike. As we turned onto our street a huge boom shook the neighborhood and we looked over to see fire and plumes of smoke coming from out of town. We both knew where they were coming from.

"Fuck, it's the warehouse." Juice dropped me off at home and went right back to the clubhouse.

I went in and went to bed, knowing that there was nothing I could do until the morning anyway. My sleep was fitful and I felt like the explosion was just the first in a long line of shit about to be pulled down on the collective heads of the club. I woke up the next morning with my mom in my face and realized it was true, shit was going down.

"Get up and get dressed. I need you to come with me." She hauled me out of bed and directed me to the clothes she had obviously laid out for me.

"How long have you been here Ma?" I asked as I shimmied into the skirt she took out for me.

"About ten minutes. You should tell Juice to take the spare key out of the hole in the mortar, it's damn easy to find." She handed me a boot as I put on the hoodie she'd included and zipped up. "I saw the ring on your finger, were you going to tell me you said yes?"

I put on the boots and looked at my finger. I had forgotten that I had put it on the night before. I was going to tell mom, after Juice and I got back from Vegas.

"I was going to tell you mom, it's still taking me some time to get used to it." I got up and mom took the hint and went out the door ahead of me.

We got in her Mercedes and went to the butcher's shop. I looked at the lamb while mom bought twenty five pounds of premium Angus. She saw me looking at the racks and chops and bought some for me. I tried to protest but she gave me the patented Gemma glare and I decided to let it go. If my mom wanted to buy me food I'd let her, it was the same ploy I'd been working with Donna for the last few years.

While we drove we got a call from Jax, he wanted mom to check on Wendy. I watched her with interest and could see the warring on her face. For one she hated Wendy and wanted her dead, for two Wendy was having her grandbaby and Jax had asked her to do something for him. When she agreed and hung up I smiled at her.

"What?" She gave me a smile and took a drag off her cigarette.

"Nothing, I just thought you'd rather suck Mayan dick than help with Wendy." I laughed maniacally at her affronted face then she grinned at me and tousled my hair.

"Smartass."

Our lighthearted mood changed dramatically when we got to the house. Mom tried to make me stay in the car but I got out and followed her to the door. When she couldn't get in she went to the carport and had me got to the back. I heard her curse and looked through the window. All I could see was the curtain so I got out my lock picking tools that I kept in my purse for emergencies and broke into the house. I walked to the kitchen and my blood ran cold, lying in a puddle of blood and Ben and Jerry's was Wendy. As mom came in the door I called an ambulance and went to hold Wendy's hand. She wasn't my favorite person but she needed someone and I could be that someone.

"Come on baby, let's go out and wait." I nodded dumbly and followed reconsidering my earlier plan. I didn't want to explain to the EMTs why I was just standing there while a woman bled out on the floor.

We followed the ambulance and stayed in the parking lot of St. Thomas until we were sure that she had been taken in and was getting treatment. When we got in mom went to the reception desk and I went to sit in the waiting room. Mom came back a few minutes later with two cups of coffee and handed me one.

"I called Jax, he should be here in the hour. Drink, you look shocky." I sipped the coffee, taking comfort in its warmth. "You should call Juice. I think you need your man, baby."

"Can't, he's doing things for the club, he texted me while we were at Von Heindrick's" I agreed with my mom I needed Juice

"Shit, I forgot about the steaks." She took out her cell and started texting.

We waited for what seemed like forever when we heard commotion at the door. I looked up from my coffee and saw Dad and Jax come into the waiting room. Mom pulled Jax into her arms then he turned to the doctor, who I hadn't seen before. I felt my eyes widen when I saw Tara. I had heard rumors she was back but I didn't dare believe them.

She told us about the poor baby and my heart sunk. He had the family flaw, a flaw Jax and I had escaped but had claimed Tommy. I couldn't breathe and slid against the wall trying to find purchase. I wouldn't run, my brother needed me and so did the little boy who was holding on. Jax heard everything and ran out. I made to follow him but dad stopped me and gave me a quick hug before telling me to stay with the kid. I nodded and Tara took my arm and led me to a seat.

"Hi Milla, been a long time." She placed a comforting hand on my shoulder and I nodded.

"Take mom to see Abel. I'll still be here when you come back." She nodded knowing I needed to be alone.

I buried my face in my hands and sobbed. I felt someone put a hand on my shoulder and sit down next to me and knew that Luanne was there. I leaned back into her arms and let her hold me. I felt so guilty; I had spent the night with Juice rather than check on Wendy. I could have gotten her help and saved Abel, instead I decided to get laid.

"I know what you're thinking baby, this isn't your fault, and this isn't my fault. It all lies at the feet of that crank whore in there. Come with me to see Abel, I think he has beautiful blue eyes like your brother and I think he's gonna have your wicked grin." Mom snapped me out of it and Luanne let go as I followed her to the room with the incubator.

He was so tiny, so perfect even with all the problems. I placed my hand on the glass outside the door and willed all my love for the little guy in there. Mom knew I needed to stay outside and went in. I felt my phone ring and answered it while I stared at the perfect little man.

"Hey baby, I heard what's up with the kid. You want me to come, Clay would understand." Juice's voice was sorely needed.

"No baby, Luanne's here and I know Dad has stuff he needs you to do. I love you."He told me the same and we hung up.

I looked at him one last time then went to the waiting room, pausing in front of Wendy's window. At that moment I hated her more than I had hated anyone in my life. How could anyone do that to them self and to the little perfect baby in the incubator? If I didn't have to worry about my perfect record or my brother's feelings I would have walked right in the room and taken a scalpel to her throat. The rage shook me out of my funk and I got up and went to the room to be with mom. I stood at her side and watched him fight to live. Wendy would never hurt him again; I'd make sure of it. Mom looked in my eyes and I knew we shared the same thought; Wendy was going to regret everything she did to that poor little boy.


	3. Chapter 3

Nothing you recognize is mine. Original Characters are my own.

**Chapter Three**

I had just left the hospital after being there all day. Mom stayed and Juice came to pick me up. As we rode out of the parking lot I held him tighter than I needed to and he was ok with it. He started to take us home and I made him change course to the clubhouse. The last thing I wanted to see was our house; I didn't want to think about just what it meant.

"There's a party tonight baby. You feel up to it?" He pulled in and I saw the fires going in the back and the crowd around the boxing ring.

"Sure baby, I think I need the family." He nodded and helped me off the bike. I wrapped my arms around his waist and he held me close.

"I need you baby." I ran my hands under his shirt and scratched down his back.

"Baby?" He lifted my face so that I was looking at him, the question in his eyes prompted me to get on my tiptoes and kiss him.

He pulled away and looked at the party I could see a longing in his eyes and I leaned against his bike. I wanted him, I wanted to feel alive, but I didn't want him to miss anything because of me.

"Go to the party. I'll be inside." I almost made it to the door before Juice grabbed me and pulled me into a dark niche in the wall behind the clubhouse. He pressed me against the wall as he started to lift my skirt.

I didn't say anything and didn't need to. He knew that I wanted, rough, dirty and quick. No foreplay and no gentleness. He gave me what I needed and didn't question the tears in my eyes. After he was done he pulled me in his arms and gave me a different kind of comfort.

"Thank you." I rasped out and he kissed my hair.

"It'll be ok baby. Abel will be fine and our babies will be fine." Just like that he got to the center of my distress. I admitted that sometimes Juice didn't think things through but when it came to reading me he was a genius.

I held him tighter and all the tension I had been holding in eased out. As I moved away I gave him a smile and we walked out, just in time to see Happy and Tig faceoff in the ring. One of the croweaters brought us each a brew and I was feeling generous so I smiled at her. We enjoyed ourselves at the party for a while before I was ready to go home. Now that I had dealt with my crazy I could see our house as the home it was, not a tomb for my future babies.

I went to work the next morning, I wasn't scheduled to come in before Monday but I needed to work and not think about all the shit that was going on with the club. Juice was gone and had left me a text letting me know he'd be gone all day and most of the night on club business. I figured it was something to do with the warehouse.

I finished my editing and began doing some research on custody cases and drug addiction. I discovered that Wendy could still get custody of Abel as long as she feigned sobriety. I wouldn't stand for it. If need be I'd adopt Abel until Jax built up a case. I knew that the county judges would have the club's back for the right price but there were always the Dudley do-right guys who wanted to stick it to SAMCRO.

I couldn't handle it anymore so I went to the hospital. I had barely made it through the doors when I nearly got assaulted by Mom.

"He made it through the first surgery babe; they're working on his heart next." My breath came back in a whoosh. He was going to be ok, he had to.

"Gemma, can I talk to you?" Tara asked mom and she nodded. I went to look at the babies, smiling for what felt like the first time in days.

Mom burst out of the hallway and practically ran out. I almost followed but I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Milla, can I talk to you?" It was the same tone she had used with mom so I followed warily. She took me to the door outside Wendy's room and I tensed.

"She really needs someone right now Milla, she thinks she's alone. I heard around that you two don't have a bad relationship. Maybe you could go sit with her, make sure she's ok?" She gave me a hopeful smile and I just gave her a blank stare.

"I will neither help, nor hurt her Tara. She burned all of her bridges with me when she shot up while pregnant with that angel. I'll stay away, but that's it. If I go in there I may tear her throat out." I felt my teeth grind as I spoke the last.

"You really feel that way?" She looked at me sadly.

"Yeah I do. If you're really that worried I can give you the names and numbers of some of her friends, though I'm sure those friendships have lapsed. I just really can't be in there with her; I'll only make it worse." I felt my sympathy coming to bite me in the ass. My mom had always said it was my biggest flaw.

"I knew you weren't a heartless bitch. Why don't we go have a coffee and you can give me those numbers." I followed her to the cafeteria and got myself a soda and a bag of chips. I hadn't eaten all day.

"What are you doing back Tara? You didn't tell me this when I called you three months ago." I hadn't told anyone that I had been in contact with Tara for the last ten years. It would have caused the feud to end all feuds.

"I needed to settle my dad's affairs and I just felt it was time to come back. I see the ring on your finger, who's the lucky guy? He's obviously a Son, you have the crow." She smiled at me over her coffee while I sipped my soda.

"His name's Jean Carlos Ortiz but he goes by Juice. He's been a patched member for two years, but we were together before that. If you see a guy wandering around here in the cut with sexy head tats and a devastating smile, that's my man." I smiled as I thought about him.

"He sounds appropriately menacing; I always thought you'd be with a lawyer or something to piss your dad off." I chuckled at that and took out my notebook. It was good talking to Tara face to face again but she wanted the numbers.

"You think being with a Patch doesn't piss him off? Anyway, here are the numbers. I'm sure you have important doctor stuff to do." I wanted to talk to her some more but I needed to get home.

"You're right but we should get together and talk sometime. It's nice seeing you face to face." She gave me a hug and I went out to the waiting room.

"You talk to her about Wendy baby?" Luanne asked as I went over to the little SAMCRO knot in the corner.

"Yeah, I explained that I couldn't help and she seemed to accept it. If mom comes back can you let her know I just went home for a little while?" I asked as I got into my coat.

"Yeah, baby, yeah I'll let her know. Everything's gonna be ok." She drew me into a hug before I went to the door.

When I got home my first stop was the bedroom. I sat on the bed and stared at the floor by the closet before I got up the courage and moved the floorboard. It was my hiding place where I kept everything I didn't want Juice to find. In it was my birth control, my berretta and my "escape" money in case something huge went down and I needed to get out of the country. I took out the pills and stared at them. Juice just thought that we were having trouble conceiving. Before last night I had never given him any indication that I didn't want children. More to the point I was terrified of getting pregnant. Everything that was happening with Abel aggravated the fear I had. I didn't think I could survive losing a baby; I wasn't nearly as strong as mom. I replaced the floorboard and put the pills in my pocket. I wasn't going to lie to Juice anymore, he had seen my fear and he deserved to know why he wasn't a daddy.

After I made myself a quick dinner I went to the clubhouse to wait. I knew they were going for retribution tonight and I didn't want to be home if something happened to Juice. The dumbass always seemed to be getting hit over the head with things or forgetting important steps. Regardless, I couldn't live without him. They got back later that night and I decided I could wait to tell Juice about the birth control until the next day. He had enough to think about, there was going to be war and who knew who the casualties would be.


	4. Chapter 4

Nothing you recognize is mine. Original Characters are my own.

**Chapter Four**

The next morning I woke up to a pounding at the door and reached over to shake Juice awake and found a cold, empty stretch of bed. I sighed and got up. As I put on my robe the pounding grew louder. I was expecting my mom or Jax at the door but was surprised to find Donna without the kids.

"Good, you're home. I need to talk to you." Donna pushed in and I let her. As my best friend she had a lot of privilege in my house.

"What's up Donna?" I asked as she went to my stove and grabbed the teapot. This couldn't be good, when Donna was worried or upset she started cooking or cleaning.

"Did you know your dad is trying to get Opie to work for the club again? Trying to make him a criminal, get him back in prison." She filled the pot, put it back on the stove and took out a teapot and measured some tea.

"Donna, once they're in the club they're in the club. Yeah Opie's going straight but that doesn't mean that he's not SAMCRO anymore. Dad was perfectly within his rights to ask a favor of Opie, Op probably would have gotten a big pay day from it too." Donna and I fought about the club constantly but we loved each other too much to let it ruin our friendship.

"I thought for once you'd be on our side. Hell, Juice threw the pool game to give Opie a windfall. We both know Juice is a better player than Opie. Wasn't that good enough? Why did your dad have to do this?" The tea kettle whistled and she started the steeping.

"Juice didn't throw the game; he was just really sucking that night. I know you're scared Donna, hell I don't even want to think about how I'd feel if Juice went to prison. Babe, sit down and drink your tea. Tell me, did Opie go on the run?" I wasn't sure who went because they scattered after they got out of the van.

"No we brought Ellie to the ER with a false report. He didn't want your dad to think he skipped out on a deal." She set down her tea and ran her fingers through her hair.

"That's good, he loves you and the kids Donna, you're his life. Listen I have to get to work. Why don't you and I go out to lunch tomorrow, my treat?"

"Ok, thanks for listening. I would go crazy without you to talk to. We'll have lunch and you can let me know all about your Gemma-less wedding plans." With that remark she gave me a hug and left.

I got dressed and put the untouched tea in a thermos before heading out the door. I had barely made it out when my mom pulled in behind me. I sighed and locked my door before turning around to face my mom.

"The bitch OD'd last night, didn't even have the decency to die." She took a drag from her cigarette as she stood facing me in the driveway.

"I'm not even going to ask how she got drugs. Is that all you came here to tell me Ma?" I had a deadline that I needed to meet that had just been thrust on me that morning.

"Someone's in a nasty mood this morning. What happened?"

"I got a visit from Donna this morning; she's pissed at the club. Everything with Abel has me thinking about what might happen if I have kids, and we're going to war with fucking everyone. I think I have a right to be in a nasty mood. Oh and I have a deadline to meet." I kept my voice even and was quite proud that I did so.

"No one ever said this life was easy baby. We're having a family dinner tonight, come with Juice and we'll have a good time. I think what you need is family. You and I can also start planning your wedding. I'm thinking autumn; you always look so good in autumn colors. I'll see you tonight baby." She waved and got in her car. I waved back and felt like crying. One more thing to add to my list, Mom was going to take over my wedding.

My morning started off awful and just got worse. I missed my deadline, got a stern talking to by the editor in chief and heard from the crime reporter that Lodi police had pulled over a suspicious vehicle and were rammed by another vehicle while two men ran for it. It didn't take me long to figure out who was involved in that fiasco. When I heard there were shots fired my heart stopped. I hated the thought of Juice getting shot again. The next thing on my list of shit was the delivery of a box filled with invitation samples and a book filled with pictures of place settings and wedding scenes. Atop it was a note from my mom reading, "We'll go over some of this tonight. Remember autumn, I'm thinking we can have the wedding at Jarrow Farms. How do you feel about horses?" I would have rolled my eyes if I didn't feel like sobbing. The only bright spot was a call from Juice telling me that he thought we should take a trip to Reno that weekend. He had evidently talked to my mother and the fear of Gemma had been rekindled.

Once I finished for the day I went over to my mom and dad's house to help with the dinner. The dinner was the balm I needed after my horrible day. The guys all joked and goofed around while we ladies made sure things didn't turn into a hazing. Mom was so busy with everything else that the "w" word wasn't spoken and I could breathe a sigh of relief. I smiled as Juice draped an arm over my shoulders and leaned into him. I was where I was supposed to be and it just felt right.


	5. Chapter 5

Nothing you recognize is mine. Original Characters are my own.

**Chapter Five**

"As soon as you're free you better get your ass here baby. The photobooth must be christened like it has been every year. Fine, you gotta go. Love you." I hung up and felt like glaring at the phone. Funtown came to Charming every year and for the last two years Juice and I had made the point of going together and christening the photobooth in our own way. This year I went with a friend from Cara Cara.

"Since your man isn't here, anything you want to do?" Chantal asked as we looked over the grounds.

"Maybe we should take on the tilt a whirl. I'm glad you decided on jeans today."We laughed as we went to the rides and got in line for our tickets.

"They'll take ten." I heard Jax's voice behind us and I turned. He gave me a hug and nodded to Chantal.

"Who's your friend darlin'?" I looked beyond Jax and saw Bobby and Tig with him.

"Bobby, Tig, Jax this is Chantal, one of the headliners at Cara Cara." She smiled and shook their hands while I got out of the way and let Jax buy our tickets.

"Where's the idiot?" I rolled my eyes at Jax's question. Even with the new Prospect Juice was still a whipping boy.

"Doing surveillance for you morons, he should be here with me. No offense Chantal, you know I love spending time with you." She had heard me complaining about Juice's absence and had taken it in stride. She simply shook her head and threaded her arm with mine. "See ya boys."

"You think there's anything going on there? It would do me good to think there's something going on there." I heard Tig ask as Chantal and I made our way to the tilt-a-whirl.

After several rides and some cotton candy I saw my parents at the entrance. I waved and my dad came over to envelope me in a bear hug. Mom smiled at his indulgence but her look cooled when she saw Chantal.

"How's my girl?" He kept one arm around me and threw one around mom as he asked.

"Good daddy, but wondering why you couldn't give Juice the day off." I gave him a petulant look and he laughed.

"He's doing what he's good at but don't worry, he'll be here later." He kissed my forehead and I introduced him and mom to Chantal. We parted ways and Chantal wanted a funnel cake so I indulged her and almost lost my appetite when I saw my mom and dad go in the photobooth, which had been ruined for me.

"God I hope I'm as sexy as your mom when I'm older. The MILF market's huge. You think she'd ever do porn, she'd make a killing." Chantal was an expert on porn marketing, if she said a person would sell, they would. It was also her way of complimenting someone.

"Don't tell her that, at least not before I paraphrase it for you." I looked over and saw Juice running toward us.

"Hey baby." He pulled me to him and gave me a kiss which left me breathless.

"Hey yourself, here to stay?" I had wrapped my arms around his neck and refused to let go.

"Sorry babe, there's some club business to take care of. I love you." He leaned down and kissed me again before he took off to find my dad. I sighed and looked at Chantal.

"Up for some rigged games?" She laughed and we walked to the games.

As we walked around Funtown, playing games and basically acting like we were kids. I noticed people who usually treated me well were giving me the brush off. I knew it was because I was with Chantal, even in her everyday clothes her attitude broadcast her career choice. I was about to leave in disgust when the first friendly face in forever stopped me at the snocone stand.

"Ms. Morrow, how are you this evening?"

"Mr. Oswald, it's good to see you. I'm doing fine, just decided to come to Funtown with a friend. How're Mrs. Oswald and Tristan?" I had interviewed him for a feature article last year and he had liked how it came out.

"They're doing well, just getting some more tickets. I heard on the grapevine that you're getting married in a few months. I hope that Karen and I will be invited. I have to get to my girls but it was very good to see you. Have a wonderful evening." He gave me and Chantal a nod before he went to meet his family.

"Finally, someone who doesn't look at us like we're trash, I'm getting tired let's get back to your place, I want to show you my new video." I smiled as she took my hand and started dragging me toward the exit.

As we pulled up to the house I saw Juice's Dyna in the driveway and knew that there was a happy smile on my face. Chantal saw it too and after we parked got out and went to her car. I waved in gratitude and she gave me the "call me" sign before she took off. Juice looked up and gave me a similar smile.

"Hey sexy." He walked over to the car and gave me a hug and a kiss behind the ear.

"Hey yourself, why aren't you in the house?" I wrapped my arms around his waist and held tight.

"I left my house keys at the clubhouse and didn't wanna go back. Can you let me into the house baby?" He gave me puppy dog eyes and I laughed.

"Only if we go straight to the bedroom. I've missed you baby." I pressed myself tight against him before I let go and started walking toward the house, he growled and followed me through the door. I didn't have time to even turn around before he picked me up in his arms and carried me to the bedroom. After some amazing sex I fell asleep in a great mood and knew that it couldn't last.

I woke up to an empty bed yet again, a trend I was getting annoyed with and decided that heading to the garage would be a good idea. I had taken a few days off at the paper and needed to spend some quality time with my man. I didn't care what I'd have to do; Dad was giving Juice the day off. As I pulled in I saw Deputy Hale talking to my dad with the guys standing around. It was never good when David came around.

"What's going on here?" I got out of my jeep and walked over to the cluster of men.

"This is none of your concern Milla, please just go." David usually had the patience of a saint with me and this attitude caused me some concern.

"Can someone tell me, please?" I looked at the knot of men, hoping someone would tell me. Juice walked around to me and placed his hands on my shoulders.

"There was a rape at Funtown last night babe, it was Tristan Oswald. He's here to question us." I felt my heart break for the girl but it didn't stop my rage from bubbling to the surface.

"Wait, you think one of the Sons did it. What the fuck David? Do you want me to vouch for them because I fucking will?" I got away from Juice and got in David's face.

"We'll just be questioning them Milla, that's all." He looked uncomfortable but held his ground.

"I can tell you for sure that Juice's cock was only in one person last night, and it was there ALL FUCKING NIGHT!" I was livid and I saw him blush at my crude language.

"Fine, you can vouch for Ortiz, I'll take him off the list. Just go Milla. I don't want to bring you in on obstruction; if you go I'll forget this." David had been giving me little passes ever since he joined the force. He had told me more than once that I was the only redeeming thing in Clay Morrow's life.

"Just go baby, we'll be fine." Juice pulled me away from David and kissed my hair. I leaned into him and glared.

"You may think they're criminals but they each have more chivalry in their pinky nails than most civvies have in their entire bodies. They may have violent pasts and records but they would never stoop to hurting a woman, let alone raping an innocent little girl. Do what you have to, to feel like a big man David but you're just wasting time you could be using to find the real asshole that did this. Time you could be using to help that pretty little baby." I glared hard and pulled violently out of Juice's grasp.

I had to get out of there before I hurt David. Juice let me go but watched me as I got in my Jeep and pulled out. I needed to get away so I went to Cara Cara, I had a feeling Karen Oswald wouldn't want me to visit.

"I wanted to kill him so badly Luanne, seriously if Juice wouldn't have pulled me away I probably would have strangled him." I was sitting next to her as she directed the "Naughty Nurse" movie which starred Chantal.

"I know the feeling baby, but you just have to deal with it. The pigs will always go to SAMCRO first when shit goes down. Just stay here with me for a while, when it's safe to go back your dad or your man will call you." She gave me a pat on the back and passed the joint to me.

I was generally a good girl but I wouldn't turn down weed when it was offered and Luanne always got the good stuff. This bud was no different and soon my rage eased out of me and I leaned back in the chair. I stayed with her for hours, getting worried when Juice hadn't called or texted. I was so worried that my buzz died and I went outside to get air. As I was getting ready to hop in my Jeep and head to TM I got a call.

"What the fuck's happening Tig?" I had recognized the ringtone and didn't even need to check my caller ID.

"We're ok sweets. They stopped the questioning. I just wanted you to know that Juice won't be home tonight, he's doin somethin' for the club. Just go about your business and you'll see your boy tomorrow." There was amusement in his voice that I didn't trust.

"Ok, but if I don't get him back in one piece Tig, _you_ won't be in one piece. You got me?" I made my voice as cold and as menacing as I could but it didn't stop the amusement from leaking into Tig's.

"I got you sweetheart." I heard him chuckle as he hung up and I walked back into the studio. My buzz was gone and I needed it back.

I spent the night at Luanne's because I didn't want to wake up in my bed alone again. At least with Luanne I'd be in a bed I was used to waking up alone in. When I woke up I discovered the house was empty and rather than being a burdensome guest I left and went to a diner on Main Street to get food for the guys. What I saw when I pulled onto Main caused me to stop in the middle of the road. Juice was walking down the street in an adult diaper and boots. Tig was gonna die. I drove down the street and did a U'y before I pulled up next to him.

"Get. In. The. Car." I carefully enunciated each word as I pulled up next to him.

"Hey baby." He tried to act nonchalant, probably worried that I was angry with him.

"Get in the car Juice, I'm not gonna say it again." He got in and buckled up before I pulled out in the street again.

"Will you take me to the garage? I think I'm late for work." He was trying to play off the fact that he was walking around town in an adult baby costume and I was having none of it.

"You aren't going in today baby. I don't care what you did, I'm taking you home where you're going to shower, eat, and then tell me what the fuck happened. I can't believe this, fucking Tig." I started muttering to myself as Juice reached over and started caressing my hair.

"Don't be so mad baby. I must have deserved this. If I don't go in Clay'll be pissed." He was more worried about my dad than me; I was going to change that.

"I'm giving you a choice here. You go in and I avoid you for a fucking week, going to Cara Cara every day and staying at a different house every night. You won't know how I am or who I'm with. Or you can go home with me now, talk to me, maybe we fuck then you can go about your merry way. Which option do you want to take?" I felt like a bitch, especially after he was already humiliated but I was sick of being second in his thoughts.

"I'll go home with you baby, but if the guys don't see the payoff for this it'll only get worse." He rubbed his face and I had to admit he was right.

"Fine." I turned down the street to TM.

At the garage Juice got out and the guys surrounded him, laughing and pointing at his humiliation. He took it in stride laughing with them while I stayed in the Jeep. I was so angry I was nearly apoplectic. Juice waved for me to join them and I shook my head. I couldn't understand his acceptance and simply watched as Tig had Kip bring Juice's jeans and cut. Juice dressed and looked more at ease. Dad broke off from the group and leaned against the Jeep.

"You gonna join us babygirl?" He took a drag on his cigar.

"No, why'd you do it dad? Don't you even care how this makes me look or how Juice feels?" I knew I was presenting a foreign concept to him but I wanted his response.

"It was a punishment babe, Juice fucked up. Yeah I know you're embarrassed but you signed up for this when you started screwing the village idiot. Listen I'll make this up to you. I'll give Juice today and tomorrow off, you two go do your thing and I won't bug ya. I also don't want a man in a diaper in my garage. It presents the wrong image." He leaned into the Jeep and kissed my cheek and I sighed. It was the closest thing to an apology I was ever going to get so I accepted it and waited for Juice to come to the car. He got in and we went home, where he informed me that if Tig ever told me something was a vitamin I was never to accept it.


	6. Chapter 6

Nothing you recognize is mine. Original Characters are my own.

**Chapter Six**

"Ms. Morrow, can I see you in my office?" My boss asked as I rubbed at the kink in my neck and blinked sleep out of my eyes. It really didn't surprise me that he was calling me to his office. Ever since the warehouse blew up there had been a tension in the office whenever I was there and the reporter who had written about the story was very vocal about the changes I made.

"Is everything ok Mr. Sims?" I asked as I sat at his visitor chair.

"No Ms. Morrow it's not. Before we go on I want you to know that you are a talented writer and an excellent editor. We have been lucky to have you here for the past two years. Now to the meat of the issue, we can no longer keep you on staff. There have been several complaints regarding your conduct with other staffers and the changes you make to the copy are not what have been discussed. I have kept you on this long due to a sense of loyalty to your father and your skill. Unfortunately that isn't enough any longer. You will receive a healthy severance package and I will offer my recommendation freely. I only ask that you clear out your workspace by the end of the business day and turn in your keys and identification. I have already stripped you of your press credentials. Do you have any questions?" He refused to look me in the eye.

"No sir, I will call a couple of friends to help clear my workspace; I should be out by noon." With that I walked stiffly out of the office and blushed at the looks I was receiving from my former colleagues. As I got to my desk I blinked away my tears and called the first of three numbers I had intended to call.

"Teller-Morrow Automotive, how may I help you?" Hearing my mother's voice took some of the pain away.

"Hey Ma." I tried to keep the strain from my voice but I knew mom heard it.

"What's wrong baby? Who do I have to take out?" It made me smile.

"No one, I got let go today. I need to get my workspace cleaned out and I want to make a statement. Who do you think would help with that and dad would willingly let go?" I bit my lip as I waited for her response.

"Well, if you don't call Juice he'll be pissed and you sure as hell know he'll make a statement on your behalf. Tig will fuck with shit, and I know your dad would let him go help you out. I also think Chibs would do a great job, he knows how to mess with people. Be sure to call your dad and talk to him about it. When you're workspace is clean come to the garage and we'll see what we can do. I love you baby." She hung up and I called my dad.

"What's up baby?" Dad answered on the first ring and I had to smile.

"I got fired dad and I want to make a statement before I leave. Can Chibs, Tig and Juice take some time to help me?" I waited for his answer while he obviously thought it over.

"Yeah, I'll send them over with Jax and Bobby as lookouts. I can't believe Billy-boy would pull shit like this. You know everything will work out baby, be sure to come to the shop with the guys. I'd say you need time to relax." He hung up and I went to the storage room to get a couple of boxes. After I set them on my desk I called Juice.

"We're on our way baby, you ok?"Leave it to my man to actually ask about my feelings.

"Yeah, I was sad but now I'm fucking pissed. I just want to fuck things up. I also want you to fulfill my fantasy and fuck me on the photocopier. You want to help me with that baby?" I could hear his sharp intake of breath.

"You better be ready when I get there. God, I love you." With that he hung up and I started packing my desk. I had filled up the first box when I heard the bikes pull up and I didn't even try to hide the evil in my smile.

The front door slammed open and I heard the heavy thud of boots coming down the hallway punctuated by the sound of papers being thrown to the floor and things being yanked from walls. I kept packing and eventually felt familiar eyes on me.

"Let me finish this packing then we can go to the copy room." He picked me up before I had a chance to say anything and I squealed in appreciation.

We barely made it through the door before his hands were on me. It was quick and dirty and fun, everything I had fantasized about. As we got into it I felt my ass heat up and he smirked, he must have jimmied the copier to work without the code. I smiled in response as the first orgasm hit me. We finished up just as Chibs called us from the front. We straightened ourselves out and Juice picked up the copies and smiled. When we got out the office was total chaos, there was paper everywhere, computers smashed on the ground, cubicles broken. It was a truly beautiful bit of destruction.

"You get what you needed girly? We packed up your office and grabbed the computer. Anything else you want from the office before we go?" He gave me a smile and I grinned back before I went to the break room and unplugged the espresso machine. I had wanted that baby ever since it was installed three months ago and I had to have it. Juice grabbed it from my arms and we walked out as I smiled at my former coworkers who were cowering in the reception area.

My stuff was loaded into the tow truck and I got on Juice's bike, I felt completely at ease as we pulled out and held him close. No one knew me like him and if it hadn't already been proven a hundred times over this would have been the deciding event.


	7. Chapter 7

Nothing you recognize is mine. Original Characters are my own.

**Chapter Seven**

It had been three days since I was fired and I was handling it well. Juice had gotten a good payday from something he did for the club so we didn't have to worry about mortgage for a few months and I had time to decide what I wanted to do. I was dividing my time between the Clubhouse and TM, mom wanted me to try to live without Cara Cara for a while and I agreed with her. I had always leaned on Luanne in times of trouble and I needed to give her a break. I was also having a good time with Mom who had decided that while she would give input, my wedding was mine. I was glad I didn't have to hate her.

"Hey Mom, I'm thinking about a wine and eggplant color scheme. You would look great in wine and my Maid of Honor could wear eggplant, Donna looks great in eggplant." I made a note of it in my wedding notebook and mom smiled indulgently at me.

"I like that idea. You want Juice in a suit or a tux baby?" She was looking at a brochure with a furrowed brow.

"Neither, I want him in his cut with a crisp white t-shirt underneath, I love the thought of him showing off his tattoos. You know I'm not wearing white, don't you?" I bit my lip, waiting for an eruption.

"White's not your color baby, I think you'd look great in a scarlet or vermillion, maybe with maroon or rose accents. Shit, your dad's coming put away the wedding stuff." I grabbed the brochure from her and stuffed it in my bag with my notebook and the fabric swatches.

"Hey kiddo, I need to talk to your mom for a minute. Your man is on his lunch break, go keep him company." I didn't need to be told twice so I ran out and found Juice at the picnic table with the lunch I'd packed us.

"Hey baby." I leaned down and gave him a kiss while he divided the food.

"Hey yourself, I've got some news babe." I bit into my sandwich and looked at him with interest. He looked worried and I didn't like it. "We have to go to Nevada on a run. I don't know when we'll be back."

"Ok, is this about the warehouse?" I took another bite of my sandwich and chewed thoughtfully while he answered.

"Yeah it's about the warehouse. 'Ok' that's all you have to say about me being away for an indefinite amount of time, "Ok"?" He laughed and looked at me incredulously.

"Yeah, ok is all I have to say. I trust you baby. You know the rules I have about sweetbutts. I know you've never strayed, even when given the chance, and I know I'm it for you. Why shouldn't I be ok with you going on a run? Just don't die or get shot, that's all I'm concerned about." He leaned over and kissed me before pressing our foreheads together.

"How did I get so god damned lucky to have you?" He kissed me again and I sighed, his kisses always made the world feel right.

We had a pleasant lunch and Bobby and Jax hugged me goodbye before they headed out on the run. I spent the day in the garage rather than the office because I wanted to spend as much time as possible with Juice before he left. I also got to spend some time with Kip, which seemed to annoy Juice. Kip was a bit distant and it worried me because he usually talked to me about whatever he was feeling. He wouldn't tell me what was up so I decided to go to my man, he never lied.

"Why's Kip so jumpy? He looks out of sorts." I looked over at Kip and Juice followed my gaze. He leaned over and whispered in my ear.

"He called your mom a MILF and Clay heard him." I let out a bark of laughter before I stopped myself. It wasn't good, dad would have to retaliate, but it was still funny.

"She totally is though. Poor Kip, this is gonna be bad." He kissed my neck lightly and reached behind me to grab a wrench.

They worked for a few hours while I watched and assisted, eventually Dad left with Kip and the rest while the shop was closed down. Juice and I had a little goodbye nookie while Tig worked out the details of the plan. Eventually they had to leave and I decided to spend the night at my mom's, I didn't want to be alone, I also really wanted to work on the wedding with her. I never knew my mom knew how to compromise.


	8. Chapter 8

Nothing you recognize is mine. Original Characters are my own.

**Chapter Eight**

I got up the next morning to find my mom waiting at the dining room table with a small duffle. She gave me a smile and had me sit. I raised an eyebrow and she elaborated.

"I just got a call from your dad; he's heading back this afternoon but leaving a few members to help with the patching process. He's also sending for some more guys. What he's missing is someone to help with the administrative paperwork to combine the charters. Juice is gonna work on patching the systems and getting everyone in the same books. Your dad wants you there to help make the transition smooth. Sean's heading to Nevada and he offered to take you. Your dad's willing to pay you to do this baby." She looked to see if I would refuse, she had to know me better than that.

"When's Sean coming to pick me up?" I looked at myself; if I was traveling I needed to change.

"In a couple of hours I figured we could go see Abel and pick up some breakfast before he gets here. You wanna go?" She got out a cigarette and lit it.

"Yeah, I miss the little guy. I'll be ready in a few." I went up stairs and got in the closet that held my emergency clothes for when I was pissed at Juice and stayed here. So far they'd only come in handy twice.

I went downstairs to find Mom on the phone and waited patiently in the foyer. She finished up and led me to the car.

"That was Mrs. Nesbit; I rescheduled the dress consultation we were supposed to do Friday. You talk to Donna about it. She refuses to answer my calls." We drove to the hospital and I texted Donna with the news. Her response was a request to call her when I was able. Sometimes I just loved her, she knew when I could talk and didn't begrudge me when I couldn't.

We went into the hospital and walked straight to Abel's room, he was doing so much better and it was giving me hope for the future. As we got to the room we saw Tara and a nurse checking his stats. Tara looked up and gave me a smile, while she gave Mom a blank look.

"How's he doin' Doc?" Mom asked as Tara came out.

"He's doing well, his heart's stronger and he's starting to put on weight." Her smile was genuine as she shared the information. Mom smiled and went in while I put a hand on Tara's shoulder to stop her from going.

"Can I help you with something sweetie?" Tara looked a bit apprehensive and I led her around the corner.

"I have a question to ask and if you say no, I'll completely understand." She gave me a level look and I continued, "Would you be willing to be a bridesmaid? I have always respected you and consider you a good friend; it would mean a lot to have you be a part of this."

"Let me think about it Milla, if it was just you I'd say yes in a heartbeat but there's your mom to consider and SAMCRO. I don't know how deep I'm willing to go and Gemma would hate me." She chuckled a little and I completely understood her concerns

"I get what you're saying Tara. Let me know what you decide, I'll be out of town for a few days and if you decide before then get my number from Jax." She gave me a hug and said our goodbyes.

"He's so perfect." I smiled as I looked at my nephew and placed a hand on his incubator.

"Yeah he is, don't be scared of having your own baby. As big of an idiot as he is I know Juice will give you some pretty babies. His warm skin, your dark hair and the dark eyes, I'll have the most beautiful grandbabies." She put a hand on my shoulder and we stood watching Abel until Mom decided it was time to get breakfast.

"Have you put any thought into your new career path?" Mom asked as we finished our order at Stumpy's Diner.

"I got a call from Luanne. She wants me back at Cara Cara." I waited for a backlash and didn't get one.

"It was only a matter of time. What do you wanna do?" She stirred her coffee and gave me a level stare.

"For the time being it would provide a paycheck and I could write. I'm skilled at this mom, Cara Cara's biggest sales in the last three years have been movies I've directed and written. I know you don't like porn mom but it may just be my calling." I sipped my tea and stared back.

"If you truly feel that way baby, you have my support." She smiled and I couldn't help but smile back.

When we got back to the house Sean was waiting in the driveway. Sean was one of the Nomad brothers who started in Charming but constant run ins with the police had made it impossible for him to have a real home. He stopped by Charming every few months to see how things were going. Now that there was a charter in Nevada, he felt he had a place to go.

"Hey Milla, ready to go?" Sean gave me his patented smile and I couldn't help but grin back, no matter what life threw at him Sean took it in stride.

"Just let me get my bag." I ran to the trunk of the car and Mom popped it. As I set to retrieve my bag I stuffed my purse into it and went to stand by the bike.

"You better take care of that girl Sean, you know she's Clay's world." She stood face to face with Sean.

"We'll be perfectly safe Gemma, no harm's comin' to her, 'sides I heard her old man can give a good beatdown if she's in danger." I raised my eyebrow, in the two years I'd been with Juice I'd never heard of him giving a beatdown. They said he roughed up Alex a little but not a real beating.

"Just remember that when you see the doofus. Bye baby." She gave me a kiss and walked to the house while I secured the bag to my back and Sean gave me a helmet.

"Ready to go babe?" I nodded and he saw me in the rearview. "Hold on loosely, and don't let go."

I chuckled at the song lyrics and we were soon on our way to Nevada.


	9. Chapter 9

I own nothing you recognize. Only original characters are my own.

**Chapter Nine**

By the time we got to the new charter's clubhouse my thighs were on fire. We'd only made two stops and they were just to use the facilities and stretch. I didn't have enough time to truly work out my cramped muscles. When we finally stopped in front of the clubhouse I couldn't stop my groan of appreciation.

" Now you can stop plotting the destruction of my bike babe. Shit, what went down here?" I looked up with him and saw the bullet holes dotting the club's exterior. My breath caught and I tried not to think about what went down, tried not to think of my man dead from another bullet wound.

"Let's go." He took my command in stride and I wondered if I was becoming even more like my mom than previously thought.

As I walked in I felt my fear turn to hurt and pain as I saw Juice sitting at a table with a girl in a bikini top and little shorts whose hand was conspicuously absent as Juice made noises I was all too familiar with. It took everything in my power to keep from stalking to the table and ripping off the offending hand and appendage. I saw him give his "O" and a grunt and she removed her hand to wipe off the excess with a napkin. Just as Juice was coming around, Bobby came out of the back with a girl under each arm and caught my eyes.

"Shit!" It came out louder than he intended and Juice looked up with a satisfied grin that vanished from his face as soon as he got a look at me.

"Baby!" He got up just as I turned and walked back outside. I heard some scraping and looked back to see that he had tripped over his pants and was trying to get to the door.

I said nothing and just kept walking, I would have went into the desert if a pretty woman in a tiny skirt and cowboy boots hadn't grabbed me by the arm and pulled me after her.

"Hey, it's not a good idea to go out there. There are Mayans around." She gave me a look and her eyes lingered on my wrist, "You an Old Lady?"

I looked at the tattoo and felt my throat close. How could I reconcile what I just saw in there? I trusted him and the sad thing was that I still did. The motto "what happens on a run, stays on a run" flashed through my head and I didn't know what to do. I felt the first tear escape and the girl brought me to a picnic table in a little patch of shade. I took off my duffle and set it on the table as I sat down.

"I'm gonna get you water, ok, just stay here. It's not safe to go wandering the desert." She went in and the tears started falling. I had resolved that I was going to have a little cry, and then I was going to find this Jury guy and start the paperwork. I'd get it done in record time and find a ride back to Charming. I needed time to think.

"Here's the water. I saw Juice in there getting held back by the brothers. I'm gonna guess that you're Milla. All he could talk about since he got here was that he was going to marry the most beautiful, smartest woman in the world. It was nice to hear someone around here talking like that. That guy he came with, Tig? Well he called him a fag and wouldn't give it up until he indulged with the other brothers. It meant nothing babe, he's yours through and through. I've seen enough guys who couldn't give two shits about their old ladies; you have the real deal here. You should see how he looks now. I didn't know a guy could look like that." I sipped the water as she put a comforting hand on my arm. "I've already told Ginger that this was a one off thing, she won't touch him again."

"What's your name?" I asked as I steadied my voice.

"I'm Cherry and I've appointed myself your guardian." She smiled and I couldn't bring myself to smile back.

"What if they need a beer or a blow?" I was hurting and felt the need to hurt back but she just smiled.

"Then I tell them I'm with the Pres' daughter and they can wait. Wanna stay out here for a while or go in where there's air conditioning?" I was starting to sweat but I refused to go where Juice was.

"I need to speak with Jury. I'm supposed to do the administrative work." I decided that simple answers were best, especially since my heart was trying to crawl out my throat.

"Alright, let's go talk to Jury." She came around to where I was sitting and hauled me up. She threaded an arm with mine and we walked into the bar. I kept my eyes to the floor and didn't even look up when I heard Juice.

"Milla! Baby! I'm so sorry, please look at me. It meant nothing!" He almost sounded like he was getting hysterical.

"Grow a pair. You don't have to apologize for being a man, especially not to your property." I bristled as I heard Tig, leave it to him to make things worse.

Cherry stopped me at a table and I finally looked up to see an older man, probably a few years older than my dad with a pleasant smile and kind eyes. He broadened his smile and motioned for someone to bring me a chair. Cherry left my side and got a chair for me and one for her.

"Cherry this is business, go see if anyone wants a drink." She started to get up and I stopped her.

"Mr. Jury, please let her stay. She's been so good to me since I got here. I'd just feel better if she stayed." He nodded and Cherry sat down.

"It's just Jury. Clay said you're an administrative genius. I need you to take care of my forms and files. We have the Sons of Anarchy Charter form to fill out and the docs adding Clay as a silent partner to former Tribe businesses. Just a bunch of shit I don't want to deal with. Clay said you'd be willing to work with his Intelligence Officer to do the online stuff, you still up for that?" He asked as he looked to where Juice was sitting with his head in his hands.

"I'll do whatever I have to to help the club. Where can I find your office?" He smiled congenially and made a gesture with his fingers and a very handsome man with long hair and sharp, bright eyes came over, "This is Simon, he's our Club Secretary, he'll be able to help you find things."

Simon gave me a curt nod and I could see him sweep his eyes over my body and a small smile of appreciation upturned the corners of his mouth. I held out my hand and rather than shake it he leaned down and kissed it. He'd seen the tension between me and Juice and decided to capitalize on it. Cherry tensed beside me as Simon refused to let go, rubbing his thumb over my hand in an intimate gesture and I found myself liking the feel of his hands, they were softer than Juice's and it had been a long time since I'd been openly appreciated. Suddenly there was the sharp sound and a thump that had to be a chair crashing and before I even had a chance to react Juice was on Simon, clutching his cut and pinning him to the opposite wall. He grabbed Simon's hair and slammed his head against the wall a few times before he punched him in the gut and spun him around slamming him down on the table where we were sitting,

"Look you asshole, you see that woman there? You see her?" He punctuated his questions by slamming Simon's head against the table, "She's mine, Mine! You don't touch her again or I'll take off your hand and shove it up your ass."

"And you." He let go of Simon and grabbed my wrist.

He hauled me out of my seat and dragged me to the rooms in the back. I followed, truly scared of him for the first time. He kept opening doors until he found an empty room and he threw me into it. I managed to catch myself on the bed but not before my hip slammed into the nightstand. I rubbed the area and looked to where Juice was leaning against the door, his body thrumming with tension and his fists clenched tight. I said nothing and just waited to see how it would play out, it wouldn't end in sex unless he was willing to take me against my will and I had faith he wouldn't do anything as irreparable as that.

"How could you humiliate me like that? First, you don't listen to my order. Second, you ignore me to talk to a sweetbutt. Third, you openly flirt with another brother. I feel like hitting you right now. I've never wanted to hit you. Maybe, I should, maybe then you'd learn what it means to be an old lady. To shut up and do as you're told. Not to overreact over a meaningless hand job." Nothing was making sense; the words coming out of his mouth were not his words.

"Who are you?" I spoke is as soft a voice I could manage and he finally looked me in the eye. His eyes were hurt but there was also steel in them, something new.

"It's still me; Tig just opened my eyes to a few things. I'm a prisoner to your pussy. I let you manipulate me and control me. I haven't gotten pussy other than yours for the last two years and that's not right, a man has needs." He unclenched his fists and flexed them; they must have heart from the assault on Simon.

"You apologized to me in there, did you mean it?" I was afraid of the answer. I started playing with my engagement ring; it didn't feel right anymore nothing felt right.

"Yeah I meant it. She was nothing, hell I could go back in there and fuck her against the bar and it would mean just as little. Maybe I should. What would you do if I did?" There was fear in his eyes.

"I'd go to the office, start the paperwork and work with you to patch the systems. Then I'd go home, pack my stuff and move in with Luanne. Then I'd separate myself from everything in my life that's "Us". Maybe I'd move on someday, but I doubt it." I kept my voice even and decided that I deserved a fucking Oscar because inside I was dying.

"Dammit Milla! If you left it would kill me. I wouldn't have given you that ring if you weren't everything to me. I fucked up; I fuck up all the time. Can't you forgive me, like you always do when I do stupid shit?" Now I was hearing my Juice, the Juice I loved. He pushed off the door and knelt in front of me grabbing my hands and pressing them to his lips.

I had nothing to say, I was hurting and still confused by everything he said earlier. Part of me wanted to tell him everything was ok and another part of me wanted to castrate him and still another part wanted to go out and suck off Simon to teach Juice a lesson. All of these were warring as Juice looked up and searched my face. It must have been unreadable because he got on the bed beside me and drew me into his arms. Despite everything it still felt like the only place in the world where I belonged but I couldn't cave, my Morrow and Madoc blood wouldn't allow it. I pushed him away and walked to the window.

"What about being a prisoner to my pussy? Aren't you going to put me in my place? Would it make you feel better if you hit me?" I felt the heat leech out of my blood and I couldn't understand how Mom could survive this shit. I knew Dad got strange on the road and I knew she knew. Had she ever seen it? Walked in on Dad? I couldn't imagine it because Dad was still alive and kicking.

"Shit, shit shit! Why did I listen to Tig? Who listens to Tig about relationships? Baby, I didn't mean any of it, I love your pussy, yours is the only pussy I want. That sweetbutt in there I never would have fucked her, I probably couldn't have gotten it up. The only reason the hand job worked is because I got revved up listening to your voicemail from last night. The one where you told me what you weren't wearing to bed." He stood behind me, not touching, just a presence at my back. "I have no place to put you Milla, you're my partner, yeah that sounds gay but it's true. You're my fucking partner and I'd probably have died of some stupid shit if it weren't for you."

He turned me around and lifted my face to his. He must have been surprised by what he saw because he released my face and pulled me into his arms and I stayed still. He held me for a long time before I pushed him away and went to the door.

"Are we ok?" The hope in his voice almost made me flinch.

"Not by a long shot." I opened the door and stepped out, only to find Cherry sitting across the hall.

"Jury wanted me to make sure you were ok. He's gonna have me take you to the office and get things started. Despite what you may think I do know how to file." She led me to a satellite building which housed Jury's office. It was surprisingly spacious with a workstation and a nice computer system. There was even a workspace set up for me on the desk facing the computer.

I got to work right away and eventually the knot constricting my throat and heart unwound itself and I could joke and laugh again. Cherry was great company, smart, great sense of humor and she held no illusions about her life. She was definitely Old Lady material. After about hour two of paperwork Juice came into the office and got to work on the computer. Cherry talked to him but I only gave syllable answers or occasionally helped him fill out something. Eventually I needed a break so I went out to take in the cooling air and received my first call of the day.

"Hey doll, how's the paperwork going?" My Dad's voice was welcome so I didn't even have to modulate my voice.

"Good, I've got the first stretch done. Did you know that the Devil's Tribe owned twenty seven legitimate businesses? That's a ton of shit I have to process." I leaned against the wall and enjoyed a breeze that had sprung up

"I'm glad it's getting done. How are you Milla? Bobby's worried you're going to off yourself." Leave it to my Dad to be painfully blunt.

"I'm not a selfish coward Dad. Well, I'm putting the wedding on hold, that's a given. Juice took some relationship advice from Tig, now I'm not sure he's the same man I fell in love with." I didn't know where my honesty was coming from; Dad didn't need to hear that shit.

"No one in their right mind would take relationship advice from Tig. You need to figure out what to do and I'll let your Mom know what's up. Keep working and I'll see you in a couple of days. I love you kiddo." I could hear his smile over the phone.

"I love you too Daddy." I hung up and turned around only to find myself face to chest with Juice.

"You're putting the wedding on hold?" There was accusation in his voice.

"We're not exactly in pristine condition Juice. We have shit to work out before I can be Mrs. Jean Carlos Ortiz." I intentionally used his given name to piss him off.

"What's there to work out? I fucked up, I'm sorry we move on, it's simple." He crossed his arms as if daring me to a rebuttal.

"This is anything but simple. Yeah you fucked up. Did anyone tell you I was coming down today?" That was a question that had been plaguing me since I had gotten there.

"You think I'd let another woman touch me if I knew my baby was coming? Use some sense Milla." I laughed and leaned against the wall again.

"Honestly, I never thought you'd let another woman touch you period. I feel so fucking stupid and naïve. Was this the first time, have you gotten any other "assistance" on runs?" I wasn't afraid of the answer anymore; if he told me he had I could process it.

"Yeah, I was honest before. Yours is the only pussy I've gotten since we got together. Losing you would be worse than death. Death would be over quick but if you left me I'd still have to see you all the goddamn time and know that I couldn't touch you, couldn't fuck you, couldn't make you come with all those hot little sounds. Shit Milla! Now you've made me horny and you're the only one that can fix this." I looked down and saw that there was indeed a bulge present.

"I'm sure Ginger could help you with that." I pushed off the wall and walked in the office with Juice trailing behind me.

"Who the fuck is Ginger?" He asked as I sat down and Cherry handed me a folder of business receipts and deeds.

"She's the piece who was giving you a handjob." Cherry was ever so helpful.

"See baby, I don't even know their names. Let's finish up here and I'll take you to one of the rooms and show you just how much better you are, just how much I need you." He sat down opposite me and gave me puppy dog eyes, ruined slightly by the erection I knew he still had.

"That reminds me, Cherry, are there any motels around here I could spend the night in? I really don't feel like staying in the clubhouse."I finished getting the folder ready for Rosen and handed it to Cherry to file in the box with the rest of the deeds.

"It's too dangerous, especially after what happened this morning. If you don't want to stay in the clubhouse I'm sure Jury could manage to put you up at his trailer." She handed me another folder.

"Naw, I guess I'll have to stay here. I think I can sleep in the office tonight." I started planning on where to put a bedroll when I heard Juice heave a sigh.

"There is no way in hell you're sleeping here. We'll take one of the rooms and you get the bed while I take the floor. I promise not to try anything. I'm not going to have you in any danger, no matter how pissed at me you are." I looked at him and had to look away, if I would have looked even a second longer I would have went to him. What he just said was the right thing to say on many levels. He would protect me at all costs but he wouldn't do something that made me uncomfortable and he wouldn't force anything on me.

"I can live with that." I finished up the folder and went outside to enjoy the sunset. It would have been romantic if the thought of my fiancée touching me didn't cause my stomach to turn.

Juice and I shared the room that night but he didn't keep his promise. I woke up in the middle of the night to find him in bed with me. Rather than leave I stayed in bed and fell asleep again. I was going to find a way to work things out. I loved him too much not to.


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Note: Sorry for the long delay, school is kicking my ass right now but I'll try to update more often in the future.

I own nothing you recognize. Only original characters are my own.

Chapter Ten

"Come on, you'll make a cool two fifty plus gas money. You won't get a better offer elsewhere." I gave him a smile and he just turned his back on me and continued talking to the sweetbutt.

I sighed and continued scouting the room for Sons I knew were heading back to Charming. I had just finished the administrative work and refused to be stuck alone in the small, hot cab of a truck with Juice for four and a half hours. Luckily he wasn't leaving until the morning and if I managed to get lucky I could leave right away.

"Hey Milla!" I heard the shout and looked over to see Cherry leading a man over. He was one of the Tacoma Sons

"Hey Grunt." I smiled as he grunted in response.

"He says he'll bring you home." She had been working on securing me a ride and grinned at her success.

"Yeah, sweetbutt here says you need to get home and your Old Man is leaving too late. That right?" He took a pull of his beer and gave me an assessing look.

"Yeah, I need to get back and go over some stuff with my dad. Juice isn't leaving until tomorrow." I gave him a hopeful look and he nodded.

"I'm leaving in fifteen, be ready." He turned around and walked outside.

Cherry and I said nothing as we left the party that was going on. With her help I was packed up and ready to go in less than five minutes. As we left the room an angry Juice impeded our progress.

"So it's true? Grunt said he was bringing you home." He sounded hurt and I sighed. Of course Grunt would talk to my Old Man, it was simple protocol.

"Yeah, I'm leaving. Cherry, give us a couple of minutes and tell Grunt I'm coming."She nodded and Juice stared down at me.

"I'm leaving in the morning. You know that." The accusation in his voice was scathing.

"Yeah and you know I can't stand to be alone with you lately." I fixed the duffle on my back and put my hands on my hips.

"How many times am I gonna have to say I'm sorry? Just stay tonight and everything will be ok in the morning." He tried to touch me and I moved away. His touch was my biggest weakness.

"I need some time to myself. You've been up my ass all week and I need space." His eyes glazed at the 'up my ass' comment and I rolled my eyes.

"If you stay tonight I could show just how 'up your ass' I can be, I could work your pussy pretty good too." He gave me a smirk and I just moved around him.

"If you ever want this pussy again, you get no pussy tonight. You may still be on a run, but that shit doesn't fly with me anymore. I promise I'll be home with you tomorrow night, but my day's being spent at Cara Cara. You better not show up there." I walked out and ran into Grunt who simply nodded. He brought me to his bike and we started our ride back to Charming.

Grunt lived up to his name and we had a nearly silent ride, punctuated by stops at rest areas and convenience stores to gas up and go to the bathroom. Riding with him was just what I needed after my week of hell. Everyone seemed to want to ask me how I was feeling, what I was gonna do, just _asking_. I needed the silence.

"We're almost to Charming. Want me to take you to the Clubhouse?" I was jolted out of my silence infused reverie by Grunt's question as he handed me a water bottle he had just gotten from the convenience store.

"Sure, I have a feeling everyone's there anyway." I sipped the water and stared at the horizon.

He nodded with a small grunt and got on the bike. I stashed the water in my duffle and joined him. The rest of the ride was blissfully silent and we were at the Clubhouse before I even realized it. Bobby came out to greet us and immediately crushed me in a hug when I got off the bike. He wasn't on my shitlist, I knew _he_ would've stopped Juice.

"I was worried about you kiddo, come inside your mom wants to talk to ya." He nodded at Grunt and maneuvered an arm around my shoulders.

As I walked into the Clubhouse I found my mom, dad, brother and Tig sitting at the table. I bristled when I saw Tig and he looked ready to bolt. Piney was standing behind him and that appeared to be the only reason he hadn't bolted yet.

"Hey baby." Dad got up and pulled me into a hug while Bobby helped me out of my duffle.

"What's going on?" I asked as I stared hard at Tig.

"We wanted to talk over some things with you. Find out your thoughts on the club now." I was insanely offended by the implications my brother was making.

"This Club is and always has been my top priority _Jackson_. I don't give a fuck what Juice or that bastard there have done to me I am SAMCRO down to my blood and will die for this Club. That answer your questions VP?" I had slammed my hands to the table and was still leaning over Jax who gave me a grin.

"Good, we wanted that out of the way before we told you the reason for this middle of the night get together." Dad had me sit next to Mom and she held my hand, I almost cried I had needed my Mom for the last week and her late night phone calls weren't enough.

"Tigger, why don't you tell Milla why you're here with us?" My Mom was using her reasonable voice and it couldn't be good.

"Nah, I'll just sit here. I like having my balls." Piney put his hands on Tig's shoulders just as I felt hands on mine and looked up to see Chibs giving me a smile.

"Tell her Tig. Since you're the reason her life's in the shitter right now." Piney was as protective of me as he was of Opie and Donna.

"Fine, the retard got my ass bit by a Doberman and I knew the only way I'd actually get any real revenge would be to hurt you. The moron has no natural instinct with self-preservation but you he'd die and kill for. Hurting you or losing you, well that's the only way to get through to him. Numb nuts felt guilty about the dog and I knew he wanted to make amends so I used that and fed him all the bullshit about you holding him back, making him less of a man. I knew he'd fuck things up but I never thought he'd do such a good fucking job of it. You should have seen his face when you walked outta the bar. Jesus, that was funny." He started laughing and I tried to launch myself across the table but Chibs held me still.

"You tried to ruin my life OVER A FUCKING DOG BITE!" I yelled and tried to launch myself again but Chibs still held me tight.

"I didn't really want to hurt you Mills, really you've always been like a niece to me but my ass still hurts. There had to be some pay back. I never thought he'd let another girl touch him. I wanted to sit back and watch the fall out and call him a fag whenever I had the chance. I figured he'd tell you I put the ideas in his head and you'd beat his head in and be done with it." Tig looked genuinely sorry and my rage dissipated.

"You fucking prick." I started crying and Chibs hands on my shoulders turned into a hug while he kissed my hair.

"She's right, you are a fucking prick." I laughed a little while Chibs admonished Tig.

"I'm sorry, just let me go I can't deal with this touchy feely emotional shit." Piney backed up and Tig tried to bolt but my dad stopped him.

"When the retard gets back we're having church and you're gonna give him the same explanation. You hurt my little girl and I can't let that slide brother."

I looked up and saw Piney, my brother and Bobby nod while I felt Chibs nod against my hair. My Mom was glaring at Tig and I felt a small smile ghost across my face. She was a mama bear and he had hurt her cub. He nodded and walked back toward the dorms where a croweater was waiting and grabbed her.

Chibs let me go with a kiss to the top of my head and I felt myself sag, emotionally defeated and drained. Tig and I had always had a weird relationship and everyone knew that he and his conscience had a disconnect. I never thought he would ever intentionally hurt me but this series of events quickly removed that delusion.

"Let's go home baby." Mom got up and took my hand while Bobby handed her my duffle. Once in the car I leaned my head back and willed this all to be a bad dream.

"Do you still love the doofus?" She was the first person to ask me that and I looked at her in shock.

"As much as I ever have. That's the big issue Ma, I love him, I want him. Hell I want his babies but right now every time I even think about having sex with him the sweetbutt's little hand acrobatics enter my mind. I can't even say that I feel unwanted. Juice has made it painfully clear that he'd crawl on his belly over hot coals to screw me again, and I feel an ache for him but seeing that…I feel like he's tainted somehow, not just mine anymore." My Mom nodded and put her hand on my leg giving it a comforting squeeze.

"Baby, you aren't gonna wanna hear this but he _is_ yours and only yours. He's the only man you've ever fucked and that gave you ideals no real man can live up to. His heart is yours, his soul is yours, but his dick is something else entirely. You're an Old Lady, part of that is realizing that things happen that you can't control but your man will always come home to _you_. Punish him if you have to but don't forget that where it matters he's loyal. You're his everything baby." She squeezed my leg again and we pulled into the driveway.

"Did you ever see Daddy with one of his pieces?" I knew the answer but I wanted to see her reaction. She laughed a throaty laugh and looked at me.

"Your daddy's still alive baby, what does that tell you?" She laughed until we got into the house then kissed me on the forehead and sent me to bed, just like old times.

I got up in the morning to the smell of my mom's banana pancakes and salivated. Whenever I was going through shit growing up she'd make the pancakes and we'd have a girl's morning. I dashed downstairs, fully aware of how goofy it was for an almost twenty five year old woman to get so excited over pancakes. As I rounded the corner into the kitchen there was Mom, smoking a cigarette and flipping pancakes.

"Set the table baby, I've gotta get to TM." She smiled at me as I got us plates, glasses and utensils.

"So, your man's comin back today. How're you gonna deal with him being home, you gonna play house or actually welcome him home?" She poured a healthy dose of her banana butter on my stack and handed them to me.

"Don't know yet. I think I'm gonna see how it goes. I'm going to Cara Cara today Luanne needs some help and Chantal wants me to direct her "solo" video." I bit into my pancakes and closed my eyes in bliss, it's the closest I'd come to an orgasm in a week.

"You need your man baby, you shouldn't be that excited over pancakes." She laughed then she looked at me soberly, "I think you should be careful around that Cara Cara tart. She seems to like you a hell of a lot more than you realize."

"Chantal's just my friend, not every porn star is a selfish bitch bent on ruining everyone, look at Luanne. I never could have asked for a better surrogate Mommy."I finished off my pancakes and wiped the excess butter up with my finger.

"Whatever you say sunshine. I gotta go but you clean up and call me when you get to Cara Cara." She kissed my forehead before she grabbed her bag and left.

I cleaned up the table first before I moved onto the kitchen. It felt good to be productive and I turned on music as I did the dishes and almost didn't hear the phone ring. The opening cords of _I Can't Decide _by The Scissor Sisters started and I smiled. It was Juice and for the last week I really couldn't decide whether he should live or die. I wiped of my hands and answered.

"Hello Mr. Ortiz." I had started acting professional around him and I waited for the indignant huff but instead I heard a feminine giggle.

"Sorry, wrong degenerate. I stole Juicy's phone. I'm coming to Charming babe." Cherry squealed and I squealed with her.

"Oh my god! I am so happy babe. Shit I have to be at work but Juice can bring you to the house. You're free to stay with us for as long as you need. When I get back we totally have to talk shit out. I really am happy to hear that you're coming to town babe." I was grinning like an idiot. It would be so great to have two girlfriends, for so long I just had Donna to pal around with and even then there was a tension. With Tara we were just renewing our friendship. When it came to Chantal and the other girls, they were there for me when I needed them and vice versa but I definitely wouldn't classify them as "girlfriends."

"I'm pretty happy too. I can't wait to see Half-Sack. When you get back we have to do pedicures. I brought my kit. Gotta go, your boy is looking murderous." I heard his voice growling in the background and he obviously jerked the phone from her.

"Who's this?" His voice sounded sexy with that bit of gravel thrown in there and I decided not to be so hard on him.

"Hey baby." I could practically hear the tension flowing out of him as he heard my voice.

"Baby? Haven't heard you say that this week. We'll be there in about three hours. You still goin to Cara Cara?" I could hear hope in his voice and almost felt bad for squashing it.

"Yeah baby, I'm still going to Cara Cara. It's the first day of my new job. I'm officially Luanne's Production Assistant. Besides there's apparently some shit going down with the club so I know they'll need you. I'll be back tonight." I bit my lip as he sighed.

"Ok but we're talking tonight baby. I think we have officially discovered the most inhumane torture known to mankind." I could practically see him squinting and running his hand over his Mohawk.

"What torture would that be Mr. Ortiz?" I added a seductive lilt to my voice.

"Celibacy. I need you baby, my balls are so blue they're a new shade." I laughed and caught myself wanting to help him with his problem.

"Maybe we can discuss fixing that if we have some time alone tonight. I miss you baby. I didn't think I would but I talked with my mom and put things in perspective. You're my Old Man and I fucking love you." I felt a weight lift off my shoulders as I confessed.

"Still don't want me to come to Cara Cara?' I could hear desperation in his question, he wanted a 'no' answer and I couldn't give it to him.

"Yes Juice, it's my first day and I need to get into a groove. I'll be home when Luanne sends me off but not before. This time it's the real deal I'll even be on her payroll and everything. I love you and I'll see you tonight." I hung up and finished the dishes before I went out and found my jeep. One of the guys must have driven it here from wherever they had stashed it during the week.

I drove to work and was greeted with hugs and kisses from the girls and Luanne when I walked through the doors. Luanne took me to her office and had me sit down while she brought out a file and placed it in front of me then she leaned back and put her legs up on the table.

"Before we start the work, I need to know where your head and your heart are at baby." I knew what she wanted to talk about so I sighed and leaned back in my chair.

"I'm not dumping Juice. I still love him more than anything else. If given the chance I will cut off Tig's dick for being the catalyst. I still want to work for you, perhaps now more than ever and I will answer any other questions you have." I gave her an expectant look and she smiled.

"Still gonna marry him? I want to find the right dress. Juice asked if I'd fill in as Mother to the Groom since his mom's dead. I do consider him a son baby, just like you're my daughter." She and I shared our secret smile, a smile Mom would have killed her for sharing with me.

"I am gonna marry him, the only thing we don't have squared away is what happened in Indian Hills. He's gonna find out that touching anyone else and anyone else touching him is now a criminal offense. I can't be like you or mom. If he goes on a run it stays in his pants or in his hand. The only pussy he's getting is mine." I got vehement and she smiled wider.

"That's my girl, now I need you to get to work. I need you to go over these invoices and check the latest deliveries. Make sure we got the right toys and the right lube. Then you're going over the script we're filming today with me, it's a schoolgirl thing." She pointed to the file and I picked it up and flipped through it.

"You got it." I started working and was soon caught up in the wonderful, beautifully mundane world of porn.

I was in the back getting a new costume for Ima when I heard a familiar voice out front. Something bad must of happened if Mom voluntarily came to Cara Cara. I walked out, costume in hand and found Mom sitting in the seat Luanne usually reserved for me looking heartbroken.

I set down the costume and went to my mother who leaned up and gave me a hug.

"Hey baby." I could hear the tears in her voice and it scared me, my mom wasn't a crier.

"You ok Ma?" I asked as I used my thumb to wipe away a tear that had escaped.

"I'm a hypocrite baby. I tell you that you're being silly and selfish by being pissed off at Juice but I feel like killing your dad for the same thing." I looked at her, completely confused. I had no idea what she was talking about. "Juice brought back a sweetbutt your dad was hittin' baby and it screwed me up."

My eyes went wide, she was talking about Cherry. Cheery slept with Dad? Shit, Mom was hurting and wanted me to be mad but I couldn't be. At least, not at Cherry.

"I'm sorry you're hurting Mom, really I am." I leaned down to hug her again.

"I need you to find out where she's staying I'm thinking of having a blanket party." She laughed and I looked down, "What?"

"Ummm, she's staying with me and Juice, Mom. She's the girl I was telling you about, the one who was keeping me sane in Indian Hills, Cherry. I didn't know she was with Dad, I wouldn't have even talked to her if I'd have known. I'm so sorry." Mom moved away from me and I hung my head in shame.

"Why don't you just slap me in the face? You little selfish bitch." Her words were like a punch to the stomach and they set Luanne into action.

"You have no right to say that to her. She didn't know and that girl kept her from walking into the desert and doing something stupid." She pulled my mom's attention away from me and I ran out to have a cry in the back. As the tears flowed I got a call.

"Not a good time Juice." I sniffled and I could hear a concerned murmur.

"What's wrong baby?" Juice sounded genuinely worried so I decided to tell him.

"Mom just told me that you brought back a tart who Dad was hitting. She said some pretty harsh things when I told her I knew Cherry. Why didn't you tell me that baby? You had to have known."

"Sorry to say but I was more concerned with the fact that you were going to leave my stupid ass. Does it make any difference?" I could hear the frustration in his voice and eased off.

"No it doesn't, I still like Cherry a lot. Did you just call to check on me babe?" I wiped my eyes and slid down to the floor.

"ATF is here and starting shit. I just wanna make sure you're ok." Despite everything there were still times when he was perfect.

"I'm good, but Ma is pissed as hell at me. I don't like it when she's angry." I started playing with the hem of my skirt while Juice chuckled a little.

"No one likes it when she's angry baby. If I can get away I really wanna see you. I still need you baby." His voice got deeper and my lower body responded, a little too sharply for my comfort.

"God baby, I need you too." I couldn't keep the need out of my voice and he groaned.

"As soon as I can get away I'm comin to Cara Cara and I'm gonna fuck you so long and so hard that you won't be walkin right for fuckin days."The visual went into my head so fast and so detailed that I almost came right there.

"Don't come here baby, I'll go to you. I finished Luanne's to-do list for today, I'll put in a full day tomorrow. I never thought I'd need you this bad, but I need you so bad baby." My voice was coming out breathy as I was trying to keep myself in check.

"Fuck, Jax just called me. Don't come to the clubhouse, go home and get naked. I don't wanna deal with _anything _between you and me. I love you baby, I love you so fucking much." He hung up and I stayed seated, I didn't trust my legs to carry me.

"Milla, you ok hunny?" I could hear Chantal's voice as she neared the storage closet I had locked myself in. "You're mom left, Luanne wants you to know that your mom didn't mean anything babe. She's just having a bad day."

I got up and got out of the closet. Chantal was leaning against the wall dressed as a naughty schoolgirl with six inch heels and a tie between her practically bared breasts. She gave me a tender look and covered the distance between us quickly. As she hugged me my mom's words from that morning came back to me. Maybe she was overly fond of me. She was the only friend, with the exception of Donna, who told me I wasn't over reacting and that I should drop Juice. I hugged back and she let go when I did but she let her hand move down my arm and clasped mine.

"You ok?" She reached her other hand up and used her thumb to clean up the mascara that had trailed down my cheek.

"A lot better. I think Juice and I are gonna be good. At least one good thing came out of my mom hating me." I sighed and looked down the hall toward the bathroom, "I need to clean up."

She nodded and held my hand as we went to the bathroom that the talent tended to use to clean up. Ima was inside brushing her teeth and gave me a soft look as she saw my face.

"There are some makeup remover sheets in the case there. You need me to help you with anything honey?" She asked after she rinsed out her mouth and retied her shirt.

"I'm fine, just worried about my mom." I grabbed the sheets and started cleaning my face. I wanted to look good for Juice, this reunion had become important to me.

"How's your hot brownie doing? Chanty here says he may be on the way out." She asked as she reapplied her lipstick.

"Actually things are going well with Juice. We're working through our issues. Remember the rules if he comes to the set Ima." I gave her a hard look and she smiled.

"He's off limits, anyone that touches him loses a job and maybe their face. Don't worry babe, we all love you. You're man is safe from us and from any other bitch who thinks he's prime for the fucking. We take care of our own babe, you may be behind that camera but you're family." She hugged me and I hugged back. I did love these girls.

Luanne had let me take the rest of the day off once I told her about Juice's call. She had already told me her feelings on the situation so I didn't need to know that she wanted Juice and I to reconcile. On the way home I received a call from Cherry, apparently a crazy bitch had hit her in the face with a skateboard and she needed to go to the hospital. When she described her assailant as a hot older woman with blonde streaks in her hair I groaned, Mom got her blanket party. I decided to swing by the shop and let Juice know we'd have to postpone our fun. As I pulled into the lot I was met by my man looking more jittery than usual, I had barely stopped before he came to my window.

"Baby, I wanna see you right now. Hell I wanna drag you to the clubhouse right now but you have to go. ATF will be here any minute." He leaned in and kissed me for the first time in over a week. I kissed him back with everything I had and he had to force himself to break it up.

"Ok baby, I have to go to the hospital anyway. Mom saw Cherry outside the pharmacy and cracked her in the face with a skateboard. Did you give her a spare key?" I ran my hand over his Mohawk and he smiled at me.

"No, she said she wanted to wander, get a feel for the town. I figured you'd call my cell when you got into town so I loaned it to her. If you need to talk to me call the prepay baby. If you need bail or something call Jax but please just go, I don't want you involved with this." His concern warmed my heart and I leaned up to kiss him again. This kiss wasn't as heated as the previous and we broke apart quickly.

"I'll just head out then. Luanne gave me some fun stuff to play with, maybe we could play tonight." He groaned and I grinned.

"Just go before I lose my shit and drag you behind the clubhouse. I love you baby." He smiled and I couldn't help but smile back.

I love you too babe, see you later." I put my car in reverse and turned around, eager to get to the hospital and talk Cherry out of assault charges.

I stayed at the hospital for a couple of hours visiting with Cherry and sitting with Abel. I had missed the little guy and was happy to see that he was getting bigger and stronger every day. Cherry apologized for not telling me and I told what I said to Juice, it didn't matter she was still my girl. I got a call from Tara about the raid and brushed it off like it wasn't a big deal, in my life I had seen three different ATF raids and they were all the same. A lot of posturing and comparing dick sizes.

After talking to Cherry's doctor and signing her paperwork I was informed that she would be spending the night in the hospital because they were worried about neural trauma. That meant that Juice and I would have the house to ourselves and I got excited. After a quick hug to Cherry with assurances that I'd pick her up in the morning and a peek in on Abel I went home and stripped the bed. Juice had said that he wanted nothing in the way and I wholeheartedly agreed. As I was getting myself ready I heard Juice's bike pull up and knew I was grinning like an idiot. I threw on my robe and dashed down to the back door where I was greeted with the sight of my man and the worst smell I had ever encountered.

"Baby…" He grinned and started to walk to me when I put a hand up, he looked confused so I placed my arm over my mouth and nose and took a deep breath to keep from gagging.

"Why do you smell like shit?" I got another whiff and the gagging started.

"God baby, this is how Jax got the guns out before the raid. They were in a septic truck." He said it like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Baby, I love you but before you can get inside this house and inside me you need to clean up. God, I can't breathe." I went inside and breathed the clean air. I looked out the window and saw him stripping down, placing his cut on the steps. I nearly drooled at his definition, the muscles on his back bunched as he hung his shirt and hoodie on the line, then I let out an unconscious groan as he bent over to untie his boots and remove his jeans he was getting ready to take off his boxers when I stopped him. "Baby, come inside and finish this, you can throw your boxers in the washer."

He didn't say anything and came bounding up to the house where he put his boots under the back porch and picked up his cut. He came inside and most of the smell was gone but there was still a lingering aroma. He pulled me into his arms but I pushed him away.

"What?" He asked as he moved away his brow creasing in worry.

"I was serious babe, you need to get the stink off of you. You shower and I'll be waiting for you in the bedroom." He grinned like a kid on Christmas morning and practically ran to the shower.

I went upstairs after him and peeked into the bathroom, admiring his profile through the glass. I could stare at him all day and nearly drooled when I saw him soaping up.

"Baby!" I called from my newly acquired perch on the sink

"Yeah." I looked over and saw him running his hands over his Mohawk.

"As much as I want you we still need to talk." I said loudly over the water. The water turned off and Juice shook his head before he opened the door. This time I think I did drool when I saw his hardening cock, I had to look away.

"Baby, I'm not picky about where we do this, just let me make love to you. Then we'll talk." He came up to me and untied my robe as he pressed himself against my bared stomach.

"Before I let you in I have to know." I looked him in the eyes and held his gaze, "Never again, only me."

"It's always been you baby and it always will. One moment of insanity almost wrecked us and I won't ever do it again. You baby, only you." With that confession I knew I'd never have to worry again and pressed my mouth to his.

He responded hungrily and we didn't make it to the bedroom. He lifted me until I was half on the sink half wrapped around his waist and he thrust inside me harder than he ever had before. The mixture of pain and pleasure was so intense that it pushed me over the edge and I threw my head back, catching the medicine cabinet. I started to laugh but the laugh died in my throat as I met the intensity of his eyes. From then on the only noises that could be heard were the sounds of flesh meeting flesh with groans and moans punctuating the stillness. He pushed me over a second time by biting my collarbone and that set off a chain reaction. He came with a groan and leaned his head on my shoulder as his breathing started to calm. I ran my hands over his back and shoulders while he nuzzled my neck.

"Want to go to the bed for round two baby?" I asked as I felt him stir.

"You're gonna kill me baby, but at least I'll die happy." He picked me up and I wrapped my arms around his neck and legs around his waist as he carried me to the bedroom where we commenced with round two.

The next morning I woke up to the smell of breakfast and smiled. Usually I made the food and Juice just went about his thing. It was always a special treat. The only recipes he knew were his mom's and she must have been an amazing cook when she was alive. I was getting ready to go downstairs when I heard the unmistakable sound of glass clinking.

"Don't you dare get outta that bed!" Hearing Juice's order I sat back down and propped myself up on the headboard. He brought me breakfast and we had an amazing morning before the hospital and Luanne called in quick succession. We bemoaned the need to return to the real world and went our separate ways. I went to fetch Cherry while he went to work.

Cherry was in a good mood when I picked her up, apparently she and Kip had a reunion similar to mine and Juice's and she recounted every detail while I did the same. This was one thing that I couldn't do with Donna; she didn't like talking about sex, especially when she wasn't having it. As we approached the Police Department I saw my Mom and Dad in the parking lot. Cherry didn't even need to say it. I pulled in and parked, she and I got out. While she went up to my Mom I leaned against the Jeep. Dad caught my eyes and raised his eyebrows as if to ask if I was ok, I nodded and he smiled. Once Cherry and Mom were done talking she strolled back and got in the Jeep while Mom walked up and stood at a respectful distance from me.

"I'm goin through a lot of changes baby. I shouldn't have taken this shit out on you. Can we call a truce?" She would apologize, just not in front of Cherry.

"I'll do you one better. I forgive you." Mom smiled at me and pulled me into a hug.

"I love you baby." She kissed my forehead then released me and walked back to Dad while I got in the jeep. I waved at Dad and he waved back before I pulled out and went to Cara Cara with Cherry as my guest.


	11. Chapter 11

I own nothing you recognize only original characters are my own.

Chapter Eleven

"WHAT?" I yelled into the phone as Cherry reiterated her troublesome news.

"Yeah, tonight Juice and Tig are gonna fight out their issues. Kip just told me that this is what they decided in church. Now that you and Juice are good again the only issue is Tig fucking with a brother. Juice was the one who initiated this shit." She sounded apologetic and I pressed my hand to my eyes in an attempt to push down the headache that now threatened to destroy me.

"Tig fights dirty, Juice barely knows how to throw a punch. Shit, when's this going down?" I was in the middle of filming an outdoor scene and couldn't hand over the reins until it finished.

"Not until late, Clay wants you to be here. Says that Juice will need some help when this is over and that's what Old Ladies are for. I've gotta go babe, Kip's on his lunch break. Before I go, do you think Donna will let me do her toenails, she has the cutest feet?" Cherry asked and it caused me to smile.

Donna, Cherry and I had started spending a lot of time together, so much time that we were a source of discussion around town and in the Club. Everyone got that Cherry and I clicked, we were both MC girls who lived for our men and our club, Donna was a mother of two with a hatred of SAMCRO. Donna and I had our past together and love for each other on our side. No one questioned me with Donna or me with Cherry separately but together, the three of us were an enigma. Cherry had been pushing a makeover for Donna every since she had given me one, but Donna refused. She didn't want to change anything, and I didn't blame her, she had been through too much change in the last five years.

"Yeah Cherry I think she'll let you do a pedi but don't try for the cut or the streaks. You saw her face when you streaked me with the white and red. The way her eyes bugged out was great. You would have thought that you shaved my head or something." She laughed with me.

"You're welcome by the way. Kip says that all Juice has been able to talk about for the last few days is how hot your hair is. We can see how he can't keep his hands off you. According to Donna that's just the natural order of things though." She had started spending time with Donna when our schedules didn't click and I was glad Donna had taken a shine to her.

"We're in a new phase of our relationship, kind of like an intense honeymoon period. I'll let you go now babe. Be sure to let my man know I'll be there." She agreed and I went back to my work.

Anyone who thinks porn is a sexy, fun business to be in has never worked in a studio. It's like any other job; you fill out mountains of paper work, deal with petulant employees and equipment failure. The only difference is that people have sex around you all day and even that loses its appeal very quickly. Today I was working with my least favorite girl and most lethargic leading man. I wished vehemently that Dezondra would either quit or lose her rack, if it weren't for her gargantuan mammaries I would have been free of her long ago. Too bad she was one of our most popular actresses.

"Dezondra darling, buttercup must you keep picking at that patch of skin? Luna has to keep redoing your makeup and the cover-up is expensive. I'd also like to get out of here and see my man at some point in the near future." She just rolled her eyes and Luna covered her up. After that she cooperated, she had her own man to get home to.

It was starting to get dark by the time I could leave and I sped to get to the clubhouse before the first punch was thrown. As I pulled in I noticed the drums already on fire and a crowd starting to form. Cherry grabbed me as soon as I shut off my car and dragged me inside where Tig and Juice were sitting on opposite sides of the room cuts already off. I shook my head at Juice as his eye caught mine. I was glad when he didn't smile, he was getting ready to fight and it wasn't a time for jokes. He started removing his rings and Tig did the same. Shit was about to go down so I walked to my man and he handed me his rings before he stood and stripped his shirt. An appreciative murmur came from the croweaters and it was stifled when Juice grabbed the back of my neck and pulled my lips to his.

"We ready to do this?" My dad asked and Juice released me, nodding his ascension. I stood at his side and Tig nodded too.

The men got in the ring, Tig with Bobby and Kip on his side and Juice with Chibs and Jax. After checking to make sure each man was ready they cleared the ring and it was on. Juice got in the first punch, nailing Tig with a nice right hook. Tig answered with a kidney punch and a left hook. Juice looked rough already but he fought on, getting a vicious uppercut in. Tig looked shocked and impressed but didn't stop the punch he landed against Juice's cheek. Juice took his new momentum and landed a punch to Tig's abdomen knocking the wind out of him allowing Juice to bring two fists down on his upper back and Tig went down.

"Break this up!" Dad yelled and Kip and Jax got in the ring. Kip picked Tig up while Jax grabbed Juice by the shoulders. Tig and Juice looked at each other before they both grinned and hugged. I could hear Tig ask if they were cool and Juice nodded. All the drama was done, hell even I could start the healing process.

Juice climbed out of the ring and Dad threw his arm around him in a sign of brotherly love and I couldn't help but smile. My dad couldn't have done better to let everyone know Juice was family now. They came up to me and I handed Juice his rings, grimacing when I saw his split knuckles.

"It's all good baby, I'm not hurt." He lied but I accepted it.

"Come on Rocky, let's clean you up." He grinned and followed me to the bathroom where I fixed him up and wound up getting screwed against the sink, a trend I was enjoying. He obviously wasn't that hurt.

We walked out of the bathroom and Tig saluted us, while Juice led me to Tig's table and sat, pulling me into his lap. Tig just looked at me.

"We good Mills?" He raised his eyebrows at me and I pulled my poker face.

"Not quite Tig, not quite." He smiled at me and took a pull of his drink.

"Better than nothin'." It made me smile and I snuggled deeper into Juice's arms, breathing in his smell, not put off by the sharp smell of the antiseptic.

I kissed his neck and he growled low in his throat, warning me to stop. I didn't listen and kissed him again, I couldn't help it. Seeing him in ring defending _us_ had turned me on and the bathroom fun had only taken the edge off. He took the hint and pulled my face to his, kissing me with a brutality that took my breath away.

"Go get me a brew baby." He was putting me in my place and I couldn't even be mad, asserting his masculinity was just another thing to add to the list of my turn ons. I got him a brew and was the perfect, attentive Old Lady for the rest of the night and was rewarded by my man fucking me through the mattress. We were definitely in the honeymoon period.


	12. Chapter 12

Nothing you recognize is mine, all original characters are my own.

**Chapter Twelve**

"So Kip, you moving in or what?" I asked Kip as he sat cuddled with Cherry on the couch.

"Umm, no...I thought… I just wanna be with my lady…umm...Milla…" He started to stammer and I laughed at his discomfort.

"She's teasing you baby." Cherry smiled and sighed contentedly while I sat in the recliner and read my book. I wanted nothing to do with whatever sport they were watching. I was getting to an exciting part of my novel when I heard the back door slam and the unmistakable sound of a chair scraping. He didn't come in to see us, so I knew something was up. I set my novel down and walked into the kitchen to find my man sitting with a brew and a thoughtful expression.

"What's up baby?" He looked up and waved me over.

"The Club's in trouble Milla. We all need to come up with money and I'm tapped." He sighed and set down his beer.

"How much money does the club need?" I reached and took his hand in mine; he didn't protest or pull away.

"Two Hundred K in two days." I whistled and he nodded.

"Yeah, unless a miracle happens we're pretty much fucked." He picked his beer up again and took a long pull.

"What if I said I could help you out baby?" I looked down and thought about the ramifications of what I was about to do.

"Baby, everything we have is tied up in the house; even if you got an advance from Luanne we wouldn't have enough to even make a dent. What are you trying to tell me Milla?" He studied me and I rose and tugged him until he got up and followed me upstairs to the bedroom.

"Sit on the bed Juice." He did as he was told and I went to the loose floorboard. I lifted it up and started removing what I'd stashed.

"What is that shit?" He asked as he saw the gun and the box, I had hidden the birth control inside the money box for less of a chance of discovery.

"This is my secret stash, everything I didn't want you to find baby. I have my berretta and in this box I have my birth control, a shitload of money and fake ID." He looked sharply at me when I mentioned birth control.

"Did you just say birth control?" He looked upset and I felt my stomach clench violently.

"Yeah, I've been on it since about a month before your Patch party. I'm sorry I never told you." I looked down and unlocked the box.

"You've been on birth control this whole fucking time. Makes sense, I thought my boys were swimmers and we've been riding bareback for a while. Shit Milla, why didn't you tell me?" He stood up and angrily paced the end of the room.

"I'm scared ok! The thought of having a baby, even your baby, scares me deep into my bones. If it had the flaw, died, it would kill me Juice. I'm not strong, not a survivor like my mother. I couldn't do it, can't do it." I started to cry and Juice sat down on the floor next me and sighed.

"You're one of the strongest people I've ever met and you're not alone in this. I'm with you forever; no matter what happens…you have me. I'll be strong so you don't have to baby. Look at me." He reached over and caressed my face as I turned to look at him. "I love you and nothing will change that."

He wiped my tears away and brought his lips to mine. He kissed me slowly and gently, biting my bottom lip as I started to pull away. When the kiss finally broke we stared at each other.

"I've got no more secrets. We're a clean slate." He reached his hand behind my neck and started to caress the skin.

"What about the shitload of money and fake ID?" He asked as he nodded to the open box.

I nodded and drew out a plain paper bag filled with money and a manila envelope. My birth control fell out and he pocketed it. I figured things were already out so I said nothing. I was already considering going off of it and it looked like he had made the decision for me.

"It's twenty five thousand. Before you say anything I wasn't going to use it to leave you. It was a reserve in case serious shit went down and I had to leave the country. I've been collecting it since I was sixteen and was involved in my first ATF raid. It terrified me and I wanted to know I could leave if I needed to. I got the IDs and papers a few years ago when all the shit was going down with the Nords. I figure I have you now so I don't need to worry, you'll protect me." I looked up and he nodded.

"Damn right I'll protect you. You sure you wanna give this up?" He looked at me and didn't even glance at the money.

"It's for the Club; you guys need it more than I do." I opened the bag and held it toward him; he looked in and grinned at me.

"Thank you baby." He leaned over and kissed me before he crawled over and started pressing me toward the floor.

"Babe, shouldn't you bring this to the clubhouse?' I asked as his hands moved to my jeans and he unbuttoned the top button.

"Doesn't matter if they get the money now or two hours from now. I want you baby." I couldn't argue with his logic and submitted to his very welcome advances.

After he made love to me by the bed we made our way to the actual bed and cuddled. It just felt good to be in his arms without any barriers between us anymore. I turned around and ran my finger tips over his face. He smiled lazily at me.

"What are you doing?" He leaned down and kissed me before he pressed our foreheads together.

"Just studying your facial structure, I love your chin and lips, I hope our kids get those, though I think I'd rather they have my ears. Sometimes your near absence of lobes freaks me out." He rolled us over and started tickling me while I shrieked.

"Freaks you out huh? My ears are just fine miss-perfect-everything." He leaned down and kissed me again while his hands stilled, before he pulled away and looked at me seriously.

"We're really gonna do this now aren't we?" He asked as he rolled to his side and propped himself up to look at me.

"Yeah we are." I smiled a tentative smile at him and he got thoughtful again.

"Let's make this thing official." He got out of bed and fished in his jeans pocket before he held his hand out to me and pulled me out of bed.

We walked into the bathroom and he had me stand by the toilet while he brought out the birth control pills. He opened the package and popped each pill into the toilet. Once every pill was accounted for, he flushed and threw the pill case on the garbage.

"It'll still be a few months before my hormones even out, but we can keep trying." He chuckled and held my hips in his hands while he leaned down and kissed my nose.

"I have to go to the clubhouse, give them this money then I'll be back and we can try again." He kissed me quickly before her went into the bedroom and got dressed again.

He grabbed the bag of money and made his way downstairs. I went to the closet and threw on a sundress before I went downstairs and saw Cherry and Kip asleep and naked on the couch. It seemed that they had the same idea Juice and I had. I averted my eyes but couldn't stop smiling as I put a blanket over them. I went to the kitchen and grabbed the landline; I needed to tell someone about everything that had just happened.

"Hey Mills." Hearing Donna's voice made me smile wider.

"Hey babe, you'll never guess what went down tonight." I could almost hear her frown.

"Is something going on with the Club, Opie's been gone a lot lately." Her accusation made me uncomfortable so I decided to spill everything that went down to her.

"Well there's always shit going on with SAMCRO but that's not what I wanted to talk about. I showed Juice my stash tonight." I could hear her gasp.

"Is everything ok? I heard a bike a little while ago, did he run out?" Donna loved reminding me that we were neighbors and I should visit more often.

"It's not bad Donna; actually I think things are pretty good. Umm, we're gonna try for a baby, he flushed my pills." I expected her to sound affronted, instead she laughed.

"He flushed your pills? Damn, oops sorry, darn." I could tell that Ellie and Kenny were still up.

"It was an official act, symbolically showing no more fear, but I'm freaking terrified right now." I could be completely honest with her about this.

"Honey, your family has a lot of health issues but you can't let that control you. You'll be an awesome mom and Juice will be an awesome dad. Just let things happen, you know you have me to help you through it, right?" Her voice softened and I felt my eyes tear up.

"Yeah, I know I have you. I should let you go and put the kids to bed, tell the little monsters I love them. I love you to pieces too, you know." I held the receiver and heard her chuckle.

"I love you just as much babe. Sleep tight and don't worry so much, everyone's scared at the prospect of having kids. Call me in the morning if you wanna talk." I agreed and we hung up.

I went to bed a few hours later with Juice's arms around me and contemplated my future. I had my family and the man I loved to support me and it didn't look too frightening anymore. With one last look at my man's freakish lobeless ears I giggled and snuggled closer, finally falling asleep.

**Author's Note:** If there's something in the story you think I haven't addressed or you would like to see more of, just let me know. I actually listen to you guys and your reviews are appreciated.


	13. Chapter 13

I own nothing you recognize. Only original characters are my own

**Chapter Thirteen**

"Want to go get some breakfast. I'm thinkin' about ditching the Prospect." I smiled as Juice leaned against the wall in the office at TM, where I was helping for the day.

"Can't, Mom wanted help with this and Abel's coming out of the incubator today." I grinned at him and he leaned down to give me a kiss.

"Fine, but I expect a nooner in the tow truck." He grinned and slipped on his glasses before he went to the door.

"That goes without saying, you and Kip should go though baby. There have been three tow calls so far and you're behind."He saluted me and went out the door while I arranged the paperwork for the tows.

Kip came in a few minutes later and grabbed the info for the first tow. He'd been grinning like a mad man for days, despite the Club ragging him for money.

"Hey Mills, the other day you asked if I was moving in…well-" I cut him off by putting a hand up and shaking my head.

"No, it's fine that Cherry has been staying with us and we're glad to give you a place to stay every once in a while but you've gotta be a man Kip. If you want Cherry to be your Old Lady you better start providing for her. Find a place, rent it and move in with your lady. She's got a job here and is starting to become a part of the community; she's doing her part, now it's on you." I gave him a gentle smile to soften the blow and he gave me a small smile in return.

"You're right, I'm sorry. I know you and Juice are trying to start a family, do you think they're renting any places in the neighborhood?" He asked and my smile widened.

"The house across the street from Opie and Donna's is being leased. I'd go check that out. We need to make that neighborhood a SAMCRO neighborhood." He chuckled a little and leaned down to kiss my cheek, just my luck that Tig walked in at that moment.

"What have we here, Prospect looking for a little something with a brother's Old Lady?" He smirked and I rolled my eyes while Kip blushed and stammered.

"Shut up Tig. Kip, just bring the paperwork to Juice and get the truck. You're still behind." He nodded and kept his head down while he moved past Tig.

"We need the keys to the Grand Cherokee, doll." I nodded and went to the peg. When I returned he was giving me a smile.

"What?"I didn't trust his smile.

"I hear you're having kids with the retard. You know some people shouldn't breed don't you?" He gave me a sneer and I smirked.

"You're on that list and you still passed on your genetic material." He barked a laugh.

"At least they'll be half you." He turned around and walked back to the garage.

I rolled my eyes and started checking the files for the latest parts order. I found it and spent most of the afternoon tracking down a fender that hadn't made it to the shop. The only break was the nooner I'd promised Juice, only it took place on the office desk instead of the tow truck but he wasn't complaining. I had just tracked down the fender and put a rush delivery on it when I glanced out the window I saw Luann's car pull up and screech to a halt outside the office. I sat down at the desk as she barged in.

"You need to come with me NOW!" She grabbed my arm but I resisted.

"Lu I need to stay here today. I promised Ma." She stopped pulling my arm and sat on the edge of the desk.

"That's why I need you, you're mom is a nasty piece of work and I need to vent while I help fix a problem the club is having." She dug her nails into her leg and stared hard at me.

"You could've called to vent." I offered as she glared.

"Not the same thing, but I see what you're saying. I'd hate to welch on a deal with Gemma. The studio's shut down until the AIDS cards are renewed, but I expect to see your ass tomorrow for the bitchfest to end all bitchfests. I love you baby." She leaned down and kissed my cheek.

"No problem Lu, you know I love you too, right?" I'd been asking that too often lately, but the people I loved needed the assurance.

"Yeah babe. We need to have lunch and you need to tell me about this baby-making with Juice, I can tell you had afternoon delight." She winked at me and I laughed before she went out of the office and peeled out of the parking lot.

I was shutting down the office for the day when I saw an ambulance drive into the TM lot and head for the side garage. I ran out, scared that one of the guys had gotten hurt when I saw the tow truck come speeding in after it, well speeding as much as it could hauling a car. At that moment I knew something was up and I went to the garage, only to see Kip get out of the ambulance. Suddenly there was a pressure behind my eyes and I felt like screaming. Juice parked the tow truck beside the garage and came in closing the door. I didn't even notice Tig standing next to me until he went up to Juice.

"So, you stole an ambulance?" He sounded incredulous and I raised my eyebrows.

"I had nothing to do with this." Juice pointed at Kip who started to lower his head.

"Yeah, these things are like a hundred grand, easy." He didn't sound so sure and I bit my lips to keep from laughing. The pressure behind my eyes was lessening and I went to lean by my dad who put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

"Yeah they are, that's why the people who buy them are state and federal agencies." The amusement level was growing as my dad joyfully pointed out the flaws in Kip's plan.

"Ok." Kip was less confident than he had been earlier and Juice was standing behind him, holding in laughter.

"So, uh, what, you want me to sell a stolen vehicle to the government?" I lost it at that moment and so did the rest of the guys.

"No, just some like small hospital or somethin'." I almost felt bad for the dumbass. The only reason he had made this move was to help the club.

"What, like Uncle Freddy's Infirmary or what?" He let go of my shoulder and leaned back, eyeing Kip.

"Why don't you steal a fire engine and then we could have our own rescue center, we could have our own little uniforms and hats." Tig spoke in a little kid voice and everyone lost it, except for Kip who looked adorably embarrassed.

"Ok, I get it, that's great. I was just trying to show a little initiative." Juice patted him on the back, grinning, obviously relishing the fact that it wasn't him being mocked for once.

"Hey Chibs, get rid of this thing as soon as it gets dark." Dad nodded to Chibs then turned to go into the main garage, patting me on the shoulder again as he passed.

"You got it." As Chibs rose the door did too and Jax came in and stopped short.

"What the hell is this?" He pointed to the ambulance and I couldn't stop the snort that came out.

"My Prospect." Chibs threw his arm around Kip who was still embarrassed.

"Just thinkin' outside the box." He looked down and I held my hand over my mouth to keep from giggling.

"You get a chance to talk to that tanker driver?" Dad asked as he walked into the garage again.

"Yeah, Nords aren't dealin' at the mill. Drive bought crank up in Pope where he filled his tanker with diesel," Jax looked pointedly at Tig, "That I just sold to Unser, we're flush for the Irish."

"Nah, nah." Dad said as cheers came up from all of us. Jax stopped when he finally saw me.

"What are you doin' here?" He gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"I came to see what was up with the ambulance and I think everybody just forgot I was here. Don't worry, I know what's up." I assured him as he turned to look at Juice who suddenly looked at the floor.

"Well, I guess you have some stake in this. Thanks for the money sis, I know you've been stashing it a long time." He hugged me again and I smiled. I knew he'd know where the money came from.

"This is my family, it's in my best interest to help it in any way I can." I gave him a steady look and he smiled.

"Yeah it is." He smiled and threw an arm around my shoulders giving a squeeze before he walked back to Dad to discuss the gun deal.

Juice came up to me and gave me a quick peck before he wrapped his arms around my waist. He pulled me flush against him and I bit back a moan.

"Wanna go baby? We're pretty much done for the day." He held his hips against mine and I knew what he wanted to do.

"Wasn't the nooner enough for you?" I asked as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I can never get enough of you baby." He leaned down to kiss me again and I smiled against his lips, I could never get enough either.

"Just go you two. God, I don't wanna see that." We broke apart and laughed at Jax's admonishment.

Juice kissed me and sent me out to his bike while he went to get his cut from his locker. I leaned against the wall and watched as the sun slowly set. When he came out he grinned at me and jogged to the bike. I handed him his helmet and we were off. Though instead of going home he stopped in front of Stumpy's and had me wait.

"What's going on babe?" I leaned against his bike and crossed my arms.

"You'll see." He gave me a soft smile and went inside. I waited patiently for about half an hour before Juice came out with a largish paper bag which he stashed in the saddle bags on the bike and had me get on. I held him tight and felt another smile tug my lips as we made our way to the hollow, we hadn't been there in a long time but it still held great memories. He pulled off the road and we left the bike after he took the food from the saddle bag.

He took my hand and led me to a spot further in and fished a small box from behind a tree and took out a blanket, some small pillows and a tiny lantern. I had no idea what was going on but I was liking it. After he had spread out the blanket and set up the pillows he waved me over and had me sit down. As I sat he turned on the lantern and took out the sandwiches and chips from the bag and grabbed a bottle of wine from the box.

"Sorry I don't have any glasses, I just thought of this this morning." He sat back and looked proud of himself.

"What is "this"?" I asked as I waved my hand over everything.

"They say it's the guys who forget. Happy anniversary baby." He leaned in and kissed me so gently and sweetly I almost cried.

"I love you." I whispered as the kiss ended.

"I love you too." He kissed me again and forced himself to move off as we ate the picnic and drank the wine. We had never had the chance to make love in the hollow but that little oversight was corrected as Juice laid me down on the blanket and celebrated our anniversary in the best way possible.

"I'm sorry I forgot baby, so much shit has been happening lately." I lay in his arms and ran my hand up and down his chest.

"It's all good, I guess since I remembered that gave me some brownie points with you huh?" He chuckled and he pulled me closer.

"Well, this was definitely a smart move on your part. Two full years baby, two years. I can't believe you've put up with me that long." I chuckled a little and he laughed in response.

"Milla, the best day of my life was when you became my Old Lady. I don't "put up" with you, every day I'm with you is, shit, this is sounding so gay." He chuckled and kissed my hair.

"Don't worry baby, I get it and I feel the same way. You may be a dumbass sometimes but I'll fight for you forever. Now I'm getting cold, why don't we get dressed, pack up and head home. I think Cherry said something about making a cake." At the mention of cake he perked up and helped me get into the sitting position. We dressed in a comfortable silence and cleaned up our spot. He stashed the blanket and pillows in the saddlebags before he got on and I settled behind him.

As we pulled into the driveway I noticed Kip's bike in what had become its usual spot and I sighed. I loved having Cherry in the house but Kip needed to get his shit together and set up house for her, or at least find an apartment. Juice heard the sigh but said nothing as I dismounted the bike. I had talked to him a little about the Kip and Cherry situation so he knew where I was coming from. His only issue was that he wanted to be able to walk around the house naked and fuck me on the kitchen table again, something he couldn't do with Cherry and Kip hanging around.

We walked into the house and walked back out again. The image of Kip's naked ass was something I could have definitely lived without. Juice had me get back on the bike and we rode to the clubhouse, it seemed fitting to spend our night in the place responsible for us being together. As we pulled in I noticed my mom's car there and couldn't stop the smile on my face when I thought about how pissed Luann was with her. As we approached the clubhouse he put his arm around my waist and pulled me closer, we were all smiles before we walked in and found Mom glaring at us.

"Where the fuck were you two?" She came up to us and suddenly her hand lashed out as she grabbed a leaf from my hair. "Seriously? You two aren't goddamned teenagers sneaking out to have a lay."

"What's the big deal Ma? It's our anniversary, we're entitled to a lay if we want it." I stood up to her and Juice hung back, he had a healthy fear of my mom.

"You're nephew came out of the incubator today. I thought that since you're going to be one of the people in his life he can count on that you'd want to be there." I felt a little stab to my heart at the words but I had a response lined up.

"I was planning on going in the morning Mom, I thought that it would already be overwhelming for Abel having you and Jax there. That's a lot of love for such a little man to deal with right off the bat." She smiled and pulled me from Juice.

"You go and do something useful. I need to talk to Milla right now." Juice nodded and walked away. He never needed to be told to do something twice when my mom gave the orders.

She sat me down at a table and took the seat across from me. Still smiling as she lit a cigarette and leaned back in her chair.

"Ok, you need to start talking to me when big shit happens little girl. I had to hear from the Prospect that you're starting a family. Do you know how that makes a mother feel? Knowing that half the town knows her baby's shit before she does. Good thing I've got that boy trained already, he knows I'm queen." I laughed and she joined me. It felt good to share a laugh with Mom, it seemed like we'd been fighting a lot lately and I hated it.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. If you remember correctly you found out I'm still friends with Tara and that she agreed to be a bridesmaid so you decided that the silent treatment would be your response. I can give as good as I get Ma, just ask Juice." Reminding her took the smile from her face.

"This goes beyond that little hitch. You're planning on growing this family and it's only right that I know about it. The doctor bitch doesn't even figure into this. You still scared baby?" She asked in a soft voice that very few people got to hear.

"Not as much, I know I have a lot of people to support me." I gave her a reassuring smile and she nodded.

"You've got me and you better tell me the second you know you're pregnant. I don't care if it's in the middle of the night or you're on the John, hell I don't care if you tell me before Juice. You just fucking tell me and that's a direct order from your queen." She reached over and grabbed my hand as I smiled.

"Yes ma'am." I leaned back in my seat and looked up as Juice rushed out without glancing at the table.

"Something's up, why don't you make a pot of coffee and I'll see if I can find out what's going on." I nodded and went to the kitchen, aware that some serious shit was about to go down.


	14. Chapter 14

I own nothing you recognize. Only original characters are my own

**Chapter Fourteen**

About twenty minutes after I finished off the pot of coffee my mom came in the clubhouse, followed by Juice and Chibs pushing some guy on a stretcher. She looked at me and barked an order.

"Get sheets and a towel, doubletime!" I got up and went to the supply closet which had everything we needed. I grabbed the supplies and went to the chapel where they had taken the guy on the stretcher.

"Darlin' just spread out the sheets on the table and put the towel under his head; we don't want him drownin' in a pool of his own sick."

I nodded and spread the sheets out on the table while I folded and placed the towel where his head would go. Chibs nodded in approval while he and Juice moved the guy. The man had a moment of lucidity as they moved him and looked up at me.

"Have I died and been blessed by heaven, there's an angel over me." I smiled softly and shook my head.

"You aren't dead but don't let her fool you into thinking she's not an angel." Chibs smiled as he began looking into the wounds. "Milla, go get us a bottle of something with a heavy proof, we need to disinfect these wounds."

I nodded and went out to the bar where a bottle of everclear was stashed in the lower part of the bar. I figured they could get the guy trashed quickly and clean the wounds at the same time. By the time I made it back the guy was passed out and one slug was on the table by him.

"Thanks baby." Juice said as he grabbed the bottle and handed it to Chibs.

"Who is this guy? He's obviously Irish." I walked around the table and turned his head so that he wasn't facedown in his own bile.

"Cameron Hayes, new contact. Just help us keep him alive." Chibs knew that I was like mom, the club held no secrets from me.

Dad poked his head in the door and caught my eye before he jerked his head in a signal for me to get outside. I moved from my perch at the head of the table and walked out. Placing a hand on Juice's arm as I passed in what I hoped as a comforting gesture. When I got out in the main room Mom was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee and Dad had me sit next to her.

"Some serious shit is coming down on us and I need to know that my girls are safe, I want you to stay put until this blows over. If we need to have a SAMCRO lockdown, then you can leave to get supplies. Until that time comes stay put." He sat down across from us and waited for a tirade from Ma. She surprised us by simply nodding, my response was the same.

After that I became the nurse to Mr. Hayes. I wound up changing his head towel three times and eventually jus took one of the emergency blankets from the ambulance to use since it seemed more absorbent but not soft enough to suffocate him. I started to feel exhaustion overcome me and was told to doze in the corner, Chibs would wake me when they needed me. It did no good since they needed me for the remainder of the night. By the time morning rolled around I was covered in blood and snot and reminded, painfully, about why I had never even considered being a doctor.

"Milla, girly, go get cleaned up and make a pot of coffee. You're lookin' rough." I took Chibs' order and started to walk out before Juice moved away from the table and held me in his arms.

"Sorry the anniversary didn't pan out babe." He kissed the top of my head and I had to smile.

"Just part of being SAMCRO baby." I leaned up and kissed him before I broke from his embrace and went to do what Chibs requested.

I went out to find the guys sitting at the bar drinking the remainder of the coffee. I nodded to Piney and Tig and gave Opie a brief hug before I made another pot. Mom came in and sat on the stool.

"Have you heard from your brother?"She picked at her nails as she glanced at me.

"No Ma, not since I saw him yesterday. Want me to make a couple calls, to him and maybe Tara?" I measured the coffee and made sure it was strong enough.

"Yeah make a few calls, sometimes he answers you. If you need help with anything call one of the girls." She got off the stool and walked out without any further instructions.

I called both Tara and Jax and got nothing in response so I continued with the coffee and food duties while I heard the guys moving around in the outer room. I heard Unser's voice and decided to stay put; I didn't want to hear his suspicions. I also wanted to avoid going back to the Irishman for the time being. I leaned against the wall before I heard some commotion. I got out just in time to see my Mom rush out followed by Tig. I knew I wasn't going to get any answers so I took the full pot off and brought it to the hot plate in the main room, no use letting it get cold. As I set down the pot I heard muffled curses and screams coming from the conference room and decided I'd abandoned my post for long enough. When I got through the door my eyes widened at the sight in front of me.

"Why is my fiancés finger in another man's ass?" I turned to Chibs who gave a slight chuckle.

"Just keeping him from bleeding out doll, why don't you stay here while I go get some whisky from the bar." I nodded and walked into the room where Juice looked excessively uncomfortable.

"This isn't gay, right baby?" It was so innocent that I had to bite my cheek to keep from laughing.

"No baby, it's not gay. It's not even bicurious." He smiled at me and I sat in the corner and put my head against the wall. I dozed until I heard Chibs voice. I missed a huge chunk of the conversation before I heard something about "taking out" the port commissioner. I decided that doing a dramatic wakeup would be in my best interest so I yawned loudly and stretched and looked over at Chibs who gave me an indulgent smile.

"You should go to the dorms and get some rest babygirl, you need it. I've got your man here." I got up and went out the door where I saw Jax coming in looking sheepish. He looked at me and put a hand up.

"Don't you start." It was all he managed to say, before I could say anything, Chibs told him that they needed a real doctor. Mom and Tig came in afterward and Opiestood by me for a brief moment before he followed Jax out the door.

Suddenly a loud voice could be heard outside and I rushed out. I knew who the voice belonged to. As I got outside I stopped in my tracks, Donna was letting Opie have it and my heart was crushed in my chest. This fight had been a long time coming and I had tried my damndest to stop it. As I tried to run out my brother grabbed me and held me to him.

"Let them deal with this shit. Stay out of it." I felt tears come to my eyes as she got in the truck and peeled off. "Go back inside, Clay wants you to stay."

I said nothing I just stood until Jax let me go and gave me a shove toward the clubhouse.

"Go!" He yelled his command and I had no other response than to comply I may have been his sister but I was also an Old Lady and he was VP. I walked in the clubhouse and was so distraught and so exhausted that I did what Chibs had recommended. I found an empty dorm room and slept for a few solid hours.

When I woke up my man was on the bed next to me grinning like a mad man. I stretched and moved to sit against the headboard. He moved until he was sitting next to me, still grinning.

"The doc said I helped save Hayes' life. It was so fucking cool baby." He threw an arm around me and I snuggled in his arms.

"You're a goddamned hero baby and you're my hero." He leaned down to kiss me when the door opened and Bobby poked his head in.

"Party's about to start, get your asses out here." I smiled and Juice got out of bed and helped me get up before he pulled my body to his and gave me the kiss we'd been denied earlier. "Move it."

I rolled my eyes and Juice gave me a playful swat to the backside as we went out the door. I smiled as I saw that the party was already starting in the clubhouse. I saw Happy and he nodded a greeting while another Tacoma brother gave me a glance and Happy clipped him in the back of the head. He must have been a prospect.

The guys were having a private meeting so I stayed away. Luckily there was a boxing match going on so I had plenty of entertainment. As the match broke apart I decided to walk to the clubhouse and get something stronger than the brews the sweetbutts were handing out. As I approached the edge of the crowd I saw Tara wandering around looking lost so I ran to her.

"Milla hey." She gave me a hug which I returned fiercely.

"Hey Tara, I heard you saved a life today. Thank you so much." I hugged her even tighter.

"Yeah, I finally met your man too. You should have told me he was a sweetheart." She playfully swatted my arm and grinned at her. Too few people showed Juice kindness and I always appreciated it when someone did.

"Hmm, I have to go through the list of adjectives I use for him. Feel more comfortable about being a bridesmaid now that you've met the groom?" I asked as I slipped my arm through hers and led her toward the clubhouse.

"I'm more comfortable about a lot of things." She looked away from me and I followed her gaze as she stared at Jax. I released her arm and she gave me another hug before she went to him.

I smiled as my man came up with a bottle of Jack and a huge smile. No words needed to be spoken as he wrapped his arm around my waist and dragged me into the clubhouse. We were gonna have a private party and I couldn't have been happier.


	15. Chapter 15

I own nothing you recognize only original characters are my own.

**Chapter Fifteen**

"ATF, everybody stay calm." I looked up from the camera to see a tall, masculine woman standing at the entrance with several suited goons. "I'd get away from that camera if I were you Hitchcock."

I did as she asked and went to stand by Luann who put her arm around me. I noticed that a couple of her goons went to the office and the rest were searching everything. Luann was all business as she informed the ATF bitch about our current status. The bitch looked at me and gave me a thorough once over.

"What's your name sweetheart?" Her tone was congenial but it didn't stop me from wanting to rip her face off.

"Millicent Morrow." Her look of superiority turned into a predatory grin.

"The Princess and the Pornstar, this day just keeps getting better." Just then one of the goons came out of the office with our goody box. We had enough blow to keep Ecuadorean Cartels in the black for years to come and plenty of really good bud in the box. I had every intention of going down with the ship when I caught Luann's eyes. She wanted me to play ignorant.

"Let's take these ladies in for questioning. Cara Cara's closed." The goons separated us and put us in the back of two different sedans. I would have given anything at that moment to have Luann with me or to get a chance to call Juice.

Once we got to the police station I felt sick to my stomach. I had never had to see the inside of a cell and this was not the day to do so. I kept my head down as they brought me to a room for questioning. I worked out the stories in my head, hoping I had a snowball's chance in hell for deniability. I knew Luann would plead my ignorance and it was my job not to make a liar out of her.

"Millicent Gemma Morrow, daughter of Clarence "Clay" Morrow and Gemma Teller-Morrow, sister to Jackson "Jax" Teller and lover to Jean Carlos "Juice" Ortiz." She came in with a file in her hand and sat down across from me.

"Fiancée actually." Couldn't let her get her facts wrong.

"Even deeper than I initially thought. The point is that you are SAMCRO, I bet the secrets you have up in the pretty little head of yours could take down empires. At least one for sure." She gave me a condescending smile and I just gave her my best bored look.

"You done?" I asked as I started picking at my cuticles.

"The porn queen says that you didn't know about the box, yet you're her assistant. Hell you're her second in command. There's no way you didn't know about those party favors." She was fishing, obviously Luann had fed her the party line and I knew what to do.

"Look at my record Agent- um, we were never introduced." I didn't want to know her name but enjoyed reminding her of her oversight.

"June Stahl ATF, and I have looked at your record. You're squeaky clean, never even a speeding ticket. Not even trash in your Jeep. How does someone with your family have a record that clean?" She put her chin in her hand and looked thoughtfully at me. I sat forward to make like I was telling a secret.

"Because I'm a good girl Agent Stahl and my family's a good family. I knew nothing about the box in Luann's office; if I did you can bet I would have been dragged out of that environment. I have been very sheltered Agent Stahl, if there's anything to know about the club you can be sure that I don't know it. My Dad is very adamant about wanting me to stay the fuck out of club business, even when that business is just a charity ride. My man goes along with it, no use pissing off the Pres when you're screwing his little girl. Ask Deputy Hale, I'm clean and my Dad goes out of his way to make sure I stay that way." I sat back and crossed my arms over my chest.

"I see what you're saying Ms. Morrow but I don't buy it. You were born into this life and are marrying the club's Intelligence Officer. Do you want to be like Donna Winston, husband in jail, family in shreds?" She tried to look sympathetic and it took every shred of will power I had not to launch myself over the table and throttle her.

"Leave Donna the fuck out of this!" I managed to stop myself from leaping over the table but I couldn't stop my rage from finding an outlet.

"It seems that I've struck a nerve, yes I can see why you want to protect Donna Winston. She's your BFF, isn't she? Her and that sweet young thing from Nevada, Cherry? That's what the pictures look like anyway." She took out pictures of the three of us during our girl's only outings and my blood started to go cold and my heart beat faster.

"Don't bring them into whatever shitstorm you want to unleash, please. I don't know anything about anything, really I don't just please, leave them alone." I felt helpless and hopeless but I was a Madoc and a Morrow, we didn't turn tail and run, we fought.

"Oh they're in this Ms. Morrow, but I may be able to strike a deal if you exchange the right information." She thought she had me, she was wrong.

"I have nothing for you, better to be ignorant than a rat." She looked disappointed but it was an act.

"Very well Ms. Morrow. I'll leave you here for a while longer to see if I can change your mind." She walked out and a few minutes later David walked in with a can of soda and a bag of chips.

"You've been here a while, I thought I'd bring you something to eat." He sat across from me looking uncomfortable.

"Couldn't protect me from this, could ya cowboy?" I asked as I drank my soda and looked expectantly at him.

"I told her you didn't know anything, but she was like a kid at Christmas when she brought you in with Luann Delaney. When did you start working at the porn studio?" This time he looked at me for answers.

"After I got fired from the paper, you can't tell me that you're brother had nothing to do with that. He and Billy played golf every Sunday." I opened the chips and took one.

"Wouldn't surprise me, the name Morrow puts a bad taste in people's mouths. Listen, I'll do what I can to make sure you don't go behind bars, just tell me. Did you know about the drugs?" He kept his eyes on mine.

"The only drug I knew about was the medicinal marijuana I kept in my desk drawer. I have a card for that." He breathed a sigh of relief and got up.

"You'll be out within the hour; I'll call Ortiz to pick you up." He started to go out when I stopped him.

"Thank you David, really." He gave me an 'aw shucks' smile and went out the door. The club had Unser and I had Hale, things were looking up.

I leaned back in my chair and put my feet up on the table, trying to relax. I wound up trying at least a dozen variations of the same pose before I gave up and simply lay on the table with my hands behind my head. Just as I was getting comfortable the door opened and one of Unser's men poked his head in.

"Your ride's here." He held the door open as I hopped off the table and walked through the open door. He followed me down the hall and as we passed Stahl she gave me a triumphant smile and I gave her the one fingered salute. It was all I could do under the circumstances. When I got through the doors I saw Juice talking to David, they weren't fighting which was a good sign. I went down the stairs and eavesdropped, eager to glean anything I could from the conversation.

"Take her out of town for a while; I don't care where just somewhere where she can lie low. I'll make sure she's not on Stahl's radar anymore." Juice studied him as he pleaded his case.

"You trying to hook up with my Old Lady, Hale? It's the only reason I can think of for your interest in her." Juice got off of his bike and stood face to face with David.

"I'm not trying to "hook up" with Milla. You and I both know she's better than this shit, better than you. I don't want to see her dragged down. I thought you'd feel the same way." He didn't back away from Juice but he did bring the aggression down a notch.

"I agree with some of that, but everything you said proves that you don't know Milla. That ATF bitch is messing with her family, she won't back down. She is Gemma's daughter." I had to smile, my man knew me so well.

"Just do what you can Ortiz, neither of us wants to see Milla in prison." With that David turned around and saw me standing at the bottom of the steps he gave me a stern look and went up the steps behind me. I walked to my man who pulled me into his arms.

"You ok." He asked as he kissed the top of my head.

"Just take me home, I can't handle the clubhouse or anything. I want a long bath and a long cry." He nodded and held me tighter before he let me go and got on the bike. I took my helmet from his saddle bag and got on behind him, holding on for dear life.


	16. Chapter 16

I own nothing you recognize. Only original characters are my own

**Chapter Sixteen**

I walked into the clubhouse, stressed and annoyed. According to Luann, Dad had informed her that it was no longer safe for me to work there since ATF was on his ass and she agreed. I could still work there but I lost my position as production assistant and all my paychecks would be under the table. As I looked around I saw my Mom sitting by the bar with paperwork, Tig, Chibs and Bobby playing some pool and Juice on his laptop. I stalked up to him and took his brew, slamming it before he could really register that I was there.

"Hey baby, bad day?" I let out a dry humorless laugh and he wrapped an arm around my waist. "What's wrong?"

"I'm no longer officially employed. This really sucks baby." I pressed my head to his shoulder and he held me tighter. "Also, I went home and you weren't there."

"Well I'm here; I didn't wanna be home alone. I never thought I'd miss Cherry and Sack, but without them the house feels empty." He turned around and wrapped both arms around me as he pulled me between his open knees.

"Yeah, I miss her but I'd rather have her gone and safe than at the mercy of that ATF bitch." He nodded in agreement and pulled me in tighter, "I'll get you another brew."

I moved out of his arms and grabbed a beer for him and a glass of water for myself. As I stood next to him he continued organizing his music on his laptop while he massaged my hip. We laughed as Dad praised Otto for shattering Stahl's face. It was something we all wanted to do. Suddenly a group of cops appeared on the closed circuit and my heart stopped.

"Clay, cops!" Juice slammed the laptop shut just as the door slammed open and broke the window.

As they stormed in one of the agents grabbed my shoulder and roughly pushed me down. Juice made a move to protect me but before he could he got pushed down as well. I looked up and saw Stahl come in. Juice reached over and grabbed my hand, making sure I made eye contact with him. He knew I hated raids; I could deal when I wasn't in them but it was hard to deal when I had a gun in my face. Suddenly the sound of cuffs clicking closed could be heard.

"Robert Munson, you are under arrest for the murder of Brennan Hefner, anything you say can be used against you in a court of law." I broke eye contact and watched them taking him out. My heart was beating so fast I felt like I'd run a marathon, this was the kind of shit my doctor had warned me about.

Stahl wandered around and I watched as she kicked my Dad and Mom before she came to where Juice was still holding my hand she knelt down and gave us a sickly sweet smile. She gave us each a once over.

"Well what have we here? The princess and the outlaw, I hope you've got better manners than your momma." I closed my eyes and looked down, fully aware that if I looked into her eyes I'd launch myself at her. She got up and pressed her foot on our clasped hands, it hurt but neither of us was willing to break the contact. She gave up and toed our hands.

"Maybe romance isn't dead." Was her parting remark before she walked out of the clubhouse and I looked up to meet Juice's eyes again. He held my gaze as the agents started filtering out, once the last one left we all got up off the floor and Juice held me to him, unwilling to let go until Dad called church into session.

Once the guys were in the chapel I went to Mom and we held each other. I couldn't help but notice that she was nursing her side and if I hadn't already hated Agent June Stahl I would have hated her at that moment.

"I wish Otto would have broken her neck." She hissed as she had me get her a makeshift icepack at the bar. I could do nothing but agree with her.

The next morning I decided to sleep in, I had no job to get up for and decided to luxuriate in sleeping in my warm, sunny room. Juice and I had simply spent the night holding each other and I wanted those good vibes to continue and they did, until I remembered Uncle Bobby was in prison. I got up and had to rush to the toilet, I hated prisons and the thought of a man that I loved so thoroughly in one tore me up inside. After I washed out my mouth I took a quick shower and headed out, desperate to be anywhere. My first stop to Donna's turned out to be a bust, she wasn't home or answering her phone so I moved to the next spot on my "to-do" list. As I pulled into Oswald Construction I almost reversed but stopped myself. It was a plan I'd been working on for a while.

"Oswald Construction, how may I help you?" The woman at the desk was a little too chipper for my tastes but I decided to suck it up. I needed to talk to Elliot Oswald.

"I don't have a meeting with Mr. Oswald but I really need to speak with him. It's Millicent Morrow." At the mention of Morrow her eyes widened and she immediately got on the intercom. Within a few moments I was ushered into his office with a cup of tea and some crackers, the royal treatment.

"Ms. Morrow, this is a surprise to say the least." He sat back and I could see he was very nervous.

"I'm sorry for just showing up like this, I've had a hard few days." I sipped the tea, surprised that it was strong.

"From what I've heard everyone associated with Sons of Anarchy has had a few hard days. What can I help you with Ms. Morrow, I hope that it's not Club related." I knew that since he was running for Mayor any negative association could take him down.

"I'm here to plead my case to you Mr. Oswald. I know that you're looking for a new personal assistant; I have a great deal of experience working as an assistant. I have several wonderful references and you can access my portfolio and resume online. I decided to come here rather than apply remotely because you could too easily dismiss me. Just look at my work Mr. Oswald. If you don't want to hire me I won't darken your doorstep again." I finished my tea and bit into one of the crackers while Mr. Oswald gave me an assessing look.

"You really do want this job don't you?" He asked as he folded his arms over his chest.

"Yes sir." I nodded and moved closer to the edge of the seat.

"I'm not going to lie Ms. Morrow, your tattoos and piercings would need to be covered and I would need to get security clearance for you but, I honestly will consider you as an applicant. If I can't hire you as a personal assistant you have my word that you will have a job with Oswald Construction." He put out his hand and I shook it gratefully

"Thank you Mr. Oswald." After some final goodbyes I walked out of the office and got in my Jeep. I couldn't believe that I was going to try earning outside Club interests again. I hoped it would work out this time.

As I drove around town I found myself passing "Freddy's Tattoo" more than once. Usually I got my tats from Hap but I felt the calling for new ink. I wanted a surprise for Juice, to thank him for supporting me through all the shit we'd been through the last few months. I parked and went in, nervous about what I was about to propose. It seemed like too much of a "drunk freshman" or crow eater thing but I knew I'd get the point across.

"Wait out front someone will be with you in a minute!" Freddy yelled from the back and I sat on a bench with a magazine. Freddy came out a few minutes later and gave me a smile. "How can I help you Milla?"

"I want a tattoo Freddy. Can we talk about it?" I got up and he nodded and had me follow him back to the studio where he had me sit down on the table.

"What did you have in mind Milla?" He asked as he got out some paper to sketch on.

"It's actually quite simple. I want a crow in flight above the words "Property of Juice" on my lower back." I got off the chair and lifted my shirt to show him the approximate location.

"I can do that, just let me get a design traced out and we'll get started." He got to work and I liked what he did.

Soon enough we got started and I held in my excitement. Juice had wanted me to get a tattoo on my lower back for a while. He wanted something to look at while he did me from behind. We both liked the idea of me having more shows of ownership, the man was jealous and liked having physical proof that I was all his. I also had my marks on him. He had my name on his left bicep and my birthday tattooed on his calf. He was waiting until we got married before he got the piece de resistance, our wedding anniversary with intertwined initials over his heart, I would be getting the same.

Too soon Freddy was done and he had me look in a full length mirror with a hand mirror. It was perfect, exactly what I wanted. When I paid I gave him a big tip. I drove home, sitting gingerly in my seat, and bypassed the clubhouse. Things were tense enough as it was and I had a feeling anyone but a Son would be _persona non grata_ today. I needed some comfort so my Jeep took me to St. Thomas. Tara was off duty but Dr. Nior was more than willing to allow me access to Abel. As I held my nephew, who I loved like my own, I felt a peace that had been evading me lately. He knew I loved him and wanted nothing more, it was the kind of demand I could easily honor. I placed a kiss on his forehead and sang him to sleep, my little man, the new heart of SAMCRO.


	17. Chapter 17

I own nothing you recognize. Only original characters are my own

**Chapter Seventeen**

"So Juice has been acting weird?" Mom asked as we got food and decorations for Abel's homecoming.

"Yeah, he had to do some things for the club and ever since then he flinches whenever I mention spending time with Donna. I vouched for her Ma, she'd never rat. Also I got a new tat and he barely even acknowledged it" I placed random bags of chips in my cart, not even paying attention to them.

"I don't know what to tell you babe. Your Dad's being tightlipped too. Be sure to get some tortilla chips, I'm buying the good salsa." I nodded and grabbed the bags while we continued shopping.

After we got back to the house we began unloading and were almost done when Wendy came out of the house. She looked at the last, tiny bag in the car and gave me a smile.

"Need my help?" I grabbed the bag and juggled the case of beer I had and gave her a sickly sweet smile.

"I'm good, wouldn't want you to stress yourself out, you're not in the sober house yet. Don't need you having a relapse." She looked at me like I slapped her in the face and I pushed roughly by her and found a disapproving mother in the kitchen.

"Be nice she's going through serious shit and needs support."She had her hands on her hips and I just scoffed at her and put the beer on the counter.

"She lost my support the moment I saw track marks on her hands. I'm gonna call Tara, I need to discuss her bridesmaid dress with her. _She's_ family, not some junkie whore." I walked out of the kitchen and saw Wendy standing just outside the doorway with tears in her eyes and felt no regret, no remorse. She really was nothing to me.

I got outside and heard my Mom comforting Wendy. I was so angry that I decided to bypass the call to Tara and call Donna instead, I hoped against hope that she had decided to stay with Opie.

"Hey Mills." She sounded so happy and content that relief washed over me in comforting waves.

"Hey babe, please tell me something good is happening?" I bit my lip as I awaited her response.

"I hope it's good. I'm staying in Charming. I won't be like Mary and abandon a good man who loves me and is a good father to our children. I have to make this work and if that means learning to live with SAMCRO, then I'll live with SAMCRO. I should have been listening to you all this time." I could hear the hope in her voice and couldn't stop myself from getting choked up.

"Doesn't matter; need my help with the unpacking?" I asked after I coughed to loosen the constriction in my throat.

"That would be great, listen I'm coming to the house to help with the decorating. See you in a few." She hung up before I could reply and I went back into the house to continue the Wendy baiting I was so fond of.

When I got in the house I noticed there was one less junkie on the premises and looked expectantly at my mother. She rolled her eyes and threw me a roll of crepe paper. I grabbed it and started draping it from corners and wrapping it around anything that looked nice. Mom nodded her approval and her tension leaked out.

"I'm sorry for pissing you off Ma, but I'm not sorry for hurting Wendy. The bitch burned _every_ fucking bridge with me and I don't believe for a second that she can stay sober. If you ask me to choose between her and Tara, Tara wins every fucking time." She looked at me and I saw the wheels turning in her head, she had no idea how to work this.

"She hurt Jax-" I cut her off with a laugh.

"Oh yeah, baby boy is soooo sensitive. He got over it and you should too. She loves him, really loves him and loves Abel too. She's a thousand times the mother Wendy could ever hope to be and a million times the woman. She ran once and I don't see her doing it again. She's made of stronger stuff now." She looked at me, seemingly ill.

"You done with your Tara fanclub speech? The bitch hurt family and you should know that we don't stand for that shit," I stared impassively at her and her eyes softened, "I don't wanna fight baby, you're my little girl and no matter how horrible your taste in friends is I love you. We still need some party music so go back to your place and get the sound system Juice rigged up, he said it was ready."

I nodded curtly and walked out the door. The fight was far from over but it had left both of us. As I drove to the house I got a text from Donna, she said she had to take care of some stuff and couldn't help with the decorating but we'd see her that night and I felt better. It meant she was bringing her family into the fold again and I felt genuine relief for the first time in months. Our family would be whole again.

A few hours later I was sitting on Juice's lap while the music was floating through the speakers. The party had started and we were all waiting for the guest of honor. After my brief discussion with my mother I was slightly tenser than I wanted to be, but seeing Donna and the kids happily chatting and laughing with everyone made me smile.

"You ok baby?" Juice asked as he pulled me closer.

"Better than I was." I leaned my head on his shoulder and he held me.

"Aunt Milla, Uncle Juice can I ask you a question." I moved out of Juice's arms and put an arm out for Ellie who gladly entered my hug radius. I tightened my arm around her and Juice looked conspiratorially at her.

"Whaddya wanna know babygirl?" He asked as she smiled at him, she had a crush on her Uncle Juice and only her Mom and I were privy to that fact.

"Are you two gonna have a baby?" I gave her a smile and Juice looked at me before quickly looking back to Ellie.

"We want to babygirl, we're trying really hard. The stork isn't answering his emails." She rolled her eyes and looked at him seriously.

"There is no stork, that's just something you tell little kids. I know how babies are made, Tommy Jacobs told me all about it, you two have to have sex." Juice and I stared at her in shock and she leaned in closer, "If you don't know what that is I can tell you."

"No baby, no. You don't need to tell us but that's something you should talk to your Mom about. How about this, if Uncle Juice and I are having a baby, you'll know all about it. You can be Auntie Ellie." This made her grin and she gave me a hug before she leaned over to kiss Juice's cheek, then she ran back to sit by her brother. I shook my head in shock and Juice pulled me into his arms again.

"Kids." He smiled and I brought my lips to his. He started kissing me deeply and suddenly the energy of the party changed. They were here with the baby. I reluctantly pulled out of Juice's grip and got up. I stood by the door as they came in and oohed and ahhed over my nephew. They made the rounds and everyone got a kiss and congratulations in before Jax handed Abel to me.

"You pay attention to your Auntie Milla little man, she's the smartest person you'll ever know and she loves you a lot." I grinned at him and stared down at Abel. Juice came up and put an arm around my shoulders.

"You look so good with him babe, I can't wait until your holding ours." Juice kissed the top of my head while I held Abel close. I looked up and made eye contact with Mom, she smiled and all was forgiven.

I gave Abel back to Jax and sat with Juice again. He held me tight and pressed his forehead with mine. I knew we'd be trying for our own baby that night. I moved my forehead from his and gave Tara a smile as she moved from her position by the wall and sat on the arm of Jax's couch. I could tell she was up to something and was interested to see what she did. She leaned down and gave Jax a passionate kiss. I grinned evilly, but the grin left my face as Jax got up and pulled her to Abel's room. I got off of Juice's lap and started to follow but he grabbed me and pulled me into the present room.

"Let them work this out." He hugged me to him and I sighed, utterly content. "I want us to have this; I want a family with you."

"We're trying baby, there's not much more we can do, but I agree. I want your babies." He hugged me tighter before he let me go. I heard an exclamation and went into the living room to resume my vantage point. Tara rushed out and Jax sent Juice to follow her home. I stood by Jax and put my hand on his shoulder, he brought his own up and gave me a gentle pat as Donna and the kids came up for goodbyes, I knelt down and both kids ran into my arms.

"I love you little monsters." I gave them each a kiss on the cheek, then got up and gave Donna a tight hug and kiss, "I love you too."

She hugged me back and Opie kissed my cheek as they made their way out the door. Tig went out the door shortly after them and I felt something in my stomach clench violently. I didn't know what it was but I had a feeling something bad was going to happen, with SAMCRO those feelings were seldom wrong.

About twenty minutes later I felt like the breath had been knocked from me and I clutched the counter I was wiping down. The party had ended abruptly when my Dad left and I was stuck in the house with Mom, Wendy and Abel. Mom saw me clutch the counter and she went to me.

"Baby, are you ok?" She grabbed me and made me follow her to the couch.

"Something's wrong Mom, really wrong." I was having a panic attack, for the life of me I didn't know why. After Wendy got me a glass of water I started to calm down.

"Donna should be back by now Ma, can you call her. I'm still shaking." I set the water down and just as she was going to call her phone rang. She answered and moved to the outer hall. I heard her gasp and sob and felt my heart drop to my chest she came out and stood by me.

"Juice should tell her, this should come from him." She put the phone on speaker and set it on the arm of my chair.

"Milla baby, you there?' His voice didn't sound right but I answered in the affirmative.

"Baby, Donna's...Donna's dead. It was a driveby." I didn't hear him after that my blood was rushing to my ears and my heart was beating so fast I couldn't breathe. Eventually the breath came out in a keening scream that shocked everyone in the room and Mom grabbed the phone and hung up before she pulled me into her arms.

"Baby, baby, calm down, your heart can't handle this baby. Shhh, shhhh.' She rocked me on the floor as the keening wail turned into sobs. I didn't even have the luxury of denial; Juice's tone had proved it to be all too real. My best friend, my sister, a woman I loved more than almost anyone else in the world was dead. Suddenly my stomach clenched and I unloaded the contents on the floor. Mom held my hair and didn't say a word. Eventually I started dry heaving but the tears wouldn't stop. I had to get out of there, I had to run. I started to rise and Mom helped me, not knowing what I was about to do. As soon as I was on my feet I started for the door but stopped short when it opened and Juice grabbed me. I fought but he wouldn't let go, he just let me fight him. He held me and didn't flinch as I started kicking at him.

"Take her home Juice." A soon as I heard my Mom say "home" I stopped fighting and dropped to my knees. I couldn't go home, home was where the dresses were, the wedding stuff, Donna's shoes, all the Maid of Honor stuff that was for Donna. Pictures taken at the girls' outing on the table. The house was full of Donna and I shook my head violently. I wasn't going there, maybe never again.

"Ok baby, we won't go home. I'll take you to the clubhouse. Can I borrow your car Wendy?" I couldn't be on a bike, I'd jump off and run at the first stop sign, he knew it.

"Yeah, keys are on the dish by the coat rack." He nodded and reached up to grab them before he picked me up and half-carried me out of the house. I looked around, not seeing a thing, my eyes refused to focus so I shut them and once I did images of Donna flashed and I forced them open again. He went to the side of the car and set me down, I could finally stand on my own and he opened the door.

"Baby, get in, please." It was the please that did it and I got in the car and sat. He shut the door and before I knew it we were pulling into the clubhouse parking lot. He reached over and squeezed my hand before he got out and helped me out of the passenger's side. I followed him like a zombie and he had me sit on the couch while he joined Chibs at the bar.

I watched them drink and the tears stopped, everything stopped, I was numb, well and truly numb. There was only one thing I knew that would make me feel again and I needed to feel. I got up and walked behind Juice. I stood, unsure of how to get his attention, eventually a small, involuntary gasp escaped my lips and he turned around. I knew there was a raw desperation in my eyes and he knew what I needed. He got off the stool and followed me to the nearest dorm room. The door was barely closed before I was on him, kissing, biting, and clutching him to me. He let me do what I needed to do before he picked me up and brought me to the bed. The sex was purely visceral and the numb that had invaded my soul broke down with each thrust, each moan and I felt human again. As he held me afterward I cried, but I would rather feel the soul shattering pain than be numb. Eventually exhaustion took over and I slept but it was far from dreamless, every dream was filled with Donna, and I learned that even when you dream you can feel pain.


	18. Chapter 18

I own nothing you recognize. All original characters are my own.

**Chapter Eighteen**

"She goes from hysterical to catatonic. I'm doing what I can Gemma but she's never been like this before, not even when Gloria died. Yeah, I'm staying with her Clay already called. I only have to go to church, just out the door. I'll have one of the croweater's stay with her during the meeting. What kind of man do you think I am Gemma? Her best friend in the fucking world got killed, she needs me. If you think I'm so worthless, come be her mother. No don't I can handle it." He closed his cell and crawled in bed with me, as he pulled me into his arms I turned and wrapped my arms around him.

"I love you, babe. I'm sorry I'm like this…so fucking sorry." I felt the tears escape again and he ran his fingers through my hair.

"Tell me what you're thinking Milla, you can't keep it inside. Opie and the kids need you, we all need you." I tightened my grip on him and buried my face in his chest.

"Why Donna? She never hurt a single person in her fucking life, she hardly even swore. She was so _good_. This makes no sense baby, nothing makes fucking sense. I have these thoughts swirling through my head, thoughts I shouldn't be having, I can't tell them to anybody because I'm scared of what could happen to me." I pulled myself from him violently and threw myself over the edge of the bed. I wanted to get away before he asked, but I knew I wouldn't make it.

"What thoughts? " I looked back before I slid down the wall and wrapped my arms around my knees.

"I can't…" I shook my head and he got out of bed and slid along the wall next to me.

"What you say doesn't leave this room Milla, I would rather die than have you hurt." He sat next to me without making a move towards me.

"I don't think the Niners had a damn thing to do with this." I let it drop at that, I didn't want to say anything else.

"Who do you think did?" His voice was even and I could tell he knew what I was thinking.

"This wasn't a gangland shooting Juice; it was an execution, an _extermination_." The words hung heavy in the air and I unwound my arms and just sat while he rubbed his palms over his eyes.

"You keep those suspicions to yourself babe, please. I can't tell you anything about anything so I can't confirm or deny, just please keep quiet. I don't wanna have to bury you next to Donna just because you let the wrong theory slip." He looked into my eyes and I could see that he had something heavy on his mind, a terrible guilt.

"Donna's gone and it doesn't matter why or who did it." He nodded and pulled me into his arms as I made the herculean effort to pull myself together. "I need to get to Opie's, help with Ellie and Kenny. My little monsters need me."

"I'll bring you home; you can change and clean up." He rose and tried to help me up but I was frozen in place. I couldn't go back there. He looked down and saw me frozen, he sighed but stopped himself. "I'll take you to Clay's; you can get a change of clothes and a long shower there."

I got up and moved to him. He looked so confused, I could tell he didn't know how to deal with my mood swings but he was trying, he loved me enough not to give up. At the mention of the house I had started to feel a blind panic and I needed to snap out of it. I pulled myself flush against Juice's body and he responded by pushing me off of him.

"We can't fuck every time you feel crazy. You need to find another way to ground yourself baby, I love you but I can't do that for you, not right now." I looked down, ashamed that my best friend, a woman I loved, was dead and the only way I could find a bit of sanity was to fuck my fiancé. He was right I needed to find some other way to get my head straight.

I didn't say anything else as I threw on my clothes from the night before and walked out into the clubhouse. Chibs was standing by the bar and without a word came and wrapped his arms around me. I accepted the hug and looked up with a sad watery smile.

"Chibs, can you do me a favor?" I felt the first new tear of the day escape.

"Whatever you need darlin'." He placed his hands on my shoulders in a steady squeeze.

"Can you bring me to Ma's for a little while then drop me off at Ope's? I think Juice needs a break." I said the last when I felt eyes on me from the dorms. Chibs looked over my head and seemed to be having a private conversation.

"I'll be waiting by my bike sweetheart, come out when you're ready." He gave me a quick kiss on the temple before he walked out the door.

"Baby." I turned around when I heard Juice's voice; he was fully dressed and had his keys in his hands.

"You do need a break; you've been psychiatrist, whore, punching bag and doctor all in one. You need to be away from me, have some time to grieve in your own way. Come to Opie's in a few hours, I'll be ready to come home then." He nodded his understanding and closed the distance between us. He pulled me into his arms and held tightly while he kissed the top of my head.

"I'll be all that and a lot more for you baby. If you need me don't hesitate for a fucking second, just call me and I'll drop everything." He gave me a brutal kiss before he turned me around and gave me a gentle push toward the door.

I went outside and climbed on Chibs' bike. It felt nice to be riding with him, no preconceptions, no insanity just a dear friend giving me a ride. At the house I resisted the urge to sink to the floor. I needed to go to Opie's, take care of my little monsters. After I cleaned up Chibs brought me to Opie's without a word and went out to talk to Opie while I stood awkwardly in the kitchen with Mary.

"Is there anything I can do?" I asked and she came and wrapped me in a hug.

"She loved you like a sister. I know you tried to help her and my boy all you could." I held her while she cried. I needed to let someone else grieve for a while. I looked out the window and saw the kids on the swing while Jax, Opie and Chibs sat and talked. I needed to go to the kids, make sure they were doing ok, I knew they weren't good.

"I still love her Mary." I said softly as she nodded and brought herself under control. "I'm going to go see how my god babies are doing. Unless you need anything?"

"No, Ellie's been asking for you and Juice all morning. I think seeing you could even her out." I nodded and walked outside. The first thing I did was walk up to Opie, who got out of his chair and pulled me into a crushing hug. The tears started and didn't stop until Jax pulled me away and kissed my head as he hugged me tight. We three had lost so much, not Juice, not Chibs, Tig…none of them could understand it. Once I felt stable again I went to the swing set and Ellie got off the swing and wrapped her arms around my neck while I sat with her in my arms against the swingset. Kenny didn't understand what was going on but when Ellie and I started crying his protective instincts kicked in and he put his arms around us and the three of us stayed hugging for so long that I didn't even register the time until Opie came and got them for lunch before he held out a hand and pulled me into his arms, holding me while I finished this new batch of tears.

"I am so sorry Ope, so fucking sorry." He kissed the top of my head and didn't say anything before he let me go. I went into the house and helped Mary with the kids and phone duties. As I fielded the hundredth call of the day I felt something cold enter my stomach, I was going numb again and I fought it, I was in Donna's home. This wasn't about me.

"Winston residence." I spoke firmly into the phone as I managed to squash the numb.

"This is the Johnston Funeral Home. We are preparing Mrs. Winston for a closed casket ceremony and need some of her clothing. Could someone bring an outfit to the funeral home by the end of the business day?" He sounded so professional, so fucking impersonal, didn't he know that a woman we fucking loved died. The anger was good but he wasn't who I wanted to direct it at. The bastard who killed Donna was the one who deserved my anger.

"Someone will be there. Are there any specific requirements that should be taken into account?" I asked as my throat started to close.

"Just something you wish for Mrs. Winston to remain in, as it is closed casket only immediate family will be allowed to view the body." So fucking cool and professional.

"Certainly sir, have a nice day." I could be professional too.

I walked back to Opie and Donna's room and started going through her closet. I knew Opie and Mary weren't up to it and I already knew what Donna would want to be buried in. I moved clothes out of the way until I found what I was looking for. It was her dinner dress that she didn't get to wear often but when she did she was gorgeous. It was a beautiful eggplant color with three quarter inch sleeves and a lace bodice under a modest neckline. It went down to a little under her knee but I doubted they were going to be looking that low. I found an empty dry cleaning bag and wrestled the dress into it before I grabbed her matching bra and panties from her drawer, I had no idea what they needed so I decided to get everything, including shoes, stockings and some costume jewelry. I knew she'd want Ellie to have her real jewelry, as little as there was. Once I had everything I sat down on the floor and just stared at the bottom of the closet before I heard the thud of boots coming down the hall.

"She always loved that dress." I looked up to see Opie standing in the doorway taking in what I'd picked. "She'd be proud to know you're looking out for her like this."

"What do you wanna do Ope?" It was a loaded question but he simply looked from the clothes to me.

"I can't do it; I can barely keep it together." I nodded and got up.

"Don't worry about it then. I'll have Kip bring my Jeep and we'll go to the funeral home. Just make sure my little monsters are doing better." He gave me a hug and another kiss on the top of the head.

"I don't know how I'll ever be able to thank you for doing this." I shook my head.

"I just wish I didn't have to." He held me tighter, fully understanding. "I love you Ope, you and Jax are the best big brothers I could ever ask for."

He let me go and walked out of the room while I called Kip. It took Kip no time at all to get to Opie's and after a hug and kiss to each of the kids we went to the funeral home. Kip looked sad and nervous the whole time and I couldn't blame him. He'd probably been told I was horribly unstable and to be cautious.

"Thank you for doing this for me Kip. You could have easily had Juice or even Chibs do it. Even though you're the Prospect this is a big deal." I clutched the clothes tightly; nothing was going to happen to them.

"I wanted to do this Milla, show you that I'm here for you and Opie. You've helped me so much in the last few months, with Cherry, the club… I'd be a pretty shitty friend if I abandoned you." He gave me a genuine smile and I reached out a hand and put it on his arm.

"You're a great friend Kip." We were silent after that and he didn't act as nervous.

Once we got to the funeral home I made Kip stay in the jeep while I took care of business. They took the dress, undergarments and jewelry but left me with the shoes, they couldn't do anything with them anyway. As soon as I handed over the clothes and filled in some paper work I left. I needed to leave, to go somewhere. When I went outside I expected to see Kip waiting for me, instead I saw Juice sitting on his bike smoking a cigarette and glancing nervously at the door. When he saw me he stood up and dropped his cigarette, simply waiting for me to come to him.

"Where's Kip?" I asked as I clutched the shoes and stockings.

"I sent him to the house to finish some things. I wanted to see how you're doing. Opie said you were looking lost." I chuckled at the last part. Just like Opie to ignore his own pain if he thought someone he loved was hurting.

"Baby, I've never felt more lost in my life." This time he closed the distance between us and pulled me into his arms. I needed him, more than I'd ever needed anyone in my life. "I'm sorry I'm so crazy."

He didn't say a word as he held me closer. I knew he was still working through my mood swings and it made me appreciate him all the more. If he would have left me I wouldn't have blamed him, but if I wanted proof that he was in it for the long haul this was it.

"After the funeral I wanna go to Reno, you and me. We can find a chapel; get the marriage license, everything. I need this with you." He pressed his forehead to mine and simply held me.

"Even after this you still want to marry me?" It was the discussion we needed to have after our morning.

"How could you even question that? Nothing you could do could push me away, nothing." He brought his mouth to mine and I felt a little of my insanity fade away.

Suddenly his cell rang and he pulled away from me and walked out of ear shot. Things were turning strange. Until a few days ago he kept no secrets from me, I knew everything that went down with the club. Now I wasn't sure if I wanted to know. He came back and gave me a sad look.

"That was Clay, we're having church. He needs me back. Where do you wanna go baby?" He took my hand and we walked to his bike.

"I don't know, I can't go back to Ope's. Not right now and if I go back to our house I'll just go numb again if I'm alone. If you leave me with a vehicle there's a good chance I'll run. Maybe you should just put a bullet in my head, that's the only thing that'll stop this." Suddenly he tensed and whirled around on me.

"Don't you fucking say that Milla! If I lost you…Jesus Christ! I'm bringing you to the garage and finding someone to babysit you, otherwise you're not getting out of my fucking sight." He thrust my helmet at me and took the shoes, putting them in his saddlebag while I blinked at him and put on the helmet. Once he was settled I got on the bike behind him and we sped to the garage. Once we were there, Juice grabbed my arm roughly and hauled me into the office. I'd scared him and that pissed him off. Mom looked at us as he forced me down into the visitor's seat and they shared a silent conversation before he turned on his heel and walked off. Mom gave me a soft look and held out her hand, I took it.

"I think he's gonna leave me Ma." Once I got it out I started sobbing and mom came from behind the desk and pulled me into her arms.

"No baby, no. He's here, just scared and pissed off. Give him some credit. Come on, get it out baby."I don't know how long she held me but I needed my mom's strength and she seemed to realize that. Soon enough I grew exhausted and mom held me tighter as I started to sag.

"I'm so tired ma, can you walk me to the clubhouse?" I asked as she placed a kiss to my temple.

"Of course baby." She helped me up and walked me to the clubhouse, acting equal parts mama bear and queen. Once inside she decreed that I needed rest and walked me to an empty dorm room and forced me in the bed. I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I woke up screaming a few hours later and suddenly the door slammed open and Jax came running in. He sat with me and rocked me in his arms while I fought to catch my breath. He hadn't done that since we were kids. I loved my big brother and had been missing him for the last few weeks.

"Jax, god I'm so sorry Jax." I clutched his cut and he let me cry against him.

"Hey, Millipede, no sorry's. You didn't do anything. The woman you loved like a sister just died, you have a reason to be a little crazy." He held me tighter and I started to calm down as he began to stroke my hair.

"Juice is going to leave me." I said quietly as Jax placed his head on top of mine.

"No he's not. He may be an idiot but he's not stupid enough to let the best thing that ever happened to him go. Shit Milla, you're the only thing on his mind right now. He wants to fix you and doesn't know how. It doesn't matter, if he bails you have us, your family and we're all you need." I nodded and clutched his cut tighter, for the first time in my life finding no comfort in the leather.

"You're probably busy with shit bro, got more important things to do than deal with your crazy hysterical sister." I moved away and wiped my eyes, while Jax loosened his grip but still caressed my hair.

"Nothing is more important than family right now. I do have to meet with Clay, but if you need me I'll be there. If I see Juice, want me to send him your way?" He asked as he kissed the top of my head.

"No, he doesn't need my crazy right now." I grabbed a tissue from the nightstand as he got off the bed and moved toward the door and blew my nose.

"No matter what happens you have family. Don't forget that Millipede." He gave me a soft look before he got out and closed the door behind him.

I sat in the bed and stared at my hands for a very long time, long enough for the light to fade from the windows, before I realized that I had no idea what I was wearing to the funeral the next day. I'd have to go home. I took a few deep, calming breaths as my heart started beating too fast and got out of bed, surprised to see that I was barefoot and clad in one of Juice's t-shirts over my jeans. I was so out of it that it didn't even register before. Mom must have done it while I slept. I found a pair of flip-flops by the closet and I wasn't picky so I put them on and padded out into the main room, Juice was sitting at the bar with a cut folded next to his laptop. He looked upset so I went to him and linked arms with him, before I rested my head on his shoulder. He rested his head on mine and sighed.

"I love you." I whispered as he placed a kiss where his head had rested.

"I love you so fucking much Milla." He sighed again and I removed my arms and moved away from him.

"Can you bring me home? I need to figure out what I'm wearing tomorrow." I hugged myself tightly and he brushed my hair out of my face.

"Home, home or Clay's?" He asked as he continued to stroke my hair.

"Home, our home. I need to go back baby, we worked too hard and put too much into it to just abandon it." I didn't think I was simply talking about the house and he nodded.

"You're right baby, we put too much into it. I'll bring you home." He shut his laptop and I unwound my arms from around myself. He wound an arm around my waist and clutched me tightly; we were going to be ok.

**Author's Note: **Almost done with this story. I'm not going to lie to you, this is hard stuff to write, despite some drama Milla and Juice usually have a light hearted vibe going and this is anything but. Lately Milla has been a way for me to work out my demons, I've had the numb and it's scary as hell, the only difference is that I didn't have Juice to work through it with. I'm working on a story that will be set between seasons and would like your feedback. I'm doing the wedding, but I'm stuck as to what should happen for them. I want it relatively fluffy, but with an MC edge. Any input would be welcome. Also, many thanks to my loyal reviewers and readers, I write for you.


	19. Chapter 19

I own nothing you recognize. Only original characters are my own.

**Chapter Nineteen**

"What are you wearing?" I asked Juice as I came out of the shower and dried my hair as I walked to the closet.

"Black t-shirt, jeans, cut. We're heading a procession it wouldn't be logical to put on a suit."He pulled on his boxers and walked over to where I was standing in front of the closet. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed his fingers against the bruise that was forming on my hip. Just one of several he'd given me that morning. I gasped and he bit into my shoulder.

"What you did was so smart baby." I whispered as I snaked my arm around the back of his head and cradled him against me.

What he'd done was simple. While he'd made love to me that morning he'd bitten me hard enough to bruise different spots on my body. The bruises were tied to the sex and the second I felt numb or hopeless he'd press one of the bruises or have me press it. So far the technique was working perfectly. I just hoped it would work during the funeral. I didn't put it past myself to jump into the grave with Donna.

"'Bout time I did something right." He kissed my shoulder and I smiled. He didn't know how to fix me and he'd found a good start.

"How am I getting to the cemetery?" I hadn't even thought about it. I was too engrossed in my own suffering for it to register.

"You'll be riding with Mary and the kids, they're insisting on it and I'll take you anywhere you wanna go afterwards. I mean it, if you wanna come home, we'll come home. If you wanna go to Ope's to help with the kids we'll go to Ope's. If you wanna go cross country, we'll head east. I don't care; I'll do whatever you wanna do." I turned around and hugged him as tightly as I could; there were no words I could use to tell him how much he meant to me at that moment. I held him for a few minutes before I pulled away and went in my closet again. As I stared, unable to find anything suitable Juice reached over me and drew out one of my dresses that I never even considered. It was knee length with a linen A-line skirt and a lace top with cap sleeves and a very modest bodice. I'd never worn it before, there never seemed to be the right time.

"I think Donna would've loved you in this." He kissed my temple and moved across the room to his closet. I went to my dresser and got out all the needed undergarments and got dressed. As I tried to get my dress zipped up Juice came behind me and did it for me, brushing my hair out of the way and kissing the back of my neck.

"You found the right dress; want to look for the right shoes?" He chuckled and went to my closet where he took out a black cardigan and reached below; grabbing a pair of Mary Jane's that I seldom wore. "You should be a stylist baby."

He smiled and went to the bathroom where he finished shaving his head and face. While he was in the bathroom I picked up his cut and ran my hand over the patches. They meant everything to him and used to mean everything to me. Now they were tainted, I wasn't sure I could ever trust them again. I shook myself and clutched his cut to my chest, the smell of leather and Juice brought the comfort back, as long as I concentrated on the man in the cut I could pretend, pretend that the club that I had loved more than anything didn't have anything to do with the death of my best friend. When he came out of the bathroom and put on his shirt I got up and helped him into his cut and helped smooth the front. He held my hands to his chest and gave me a look that said more than any words could. He was there and nothing could separate us. He helped me into the cardigan as a horn honked below, I gave him a final kiss and went downstairs and out the front door. The limo driver opened the back for me and I slid inside. Immediately Ellie and Kenny came to me and I held them while we rode to the cemetery.

Once we arrived I didn't know what to do. A knot of people had formed around Mary and the kids and I wanted them to have that comfort so I went to stand by a tree to wait for everyone else. As I stood with my head bowed a hand came into view and took mine. I looked up to see Tara as she gave me a sad look and squeezed my hand. She was the last friend I had left and I gripped her.

"Will you sit with me, please?" I needed her and she nodded.

"I'll help you in any way I can Milla." She put her free arm over my shoulders and walked me to the seats just as the sound of motorcycles could be heard pulling up.

I stood with Tara and watched as the honor guard took the lead of the hearse and brought up the rear. I saw Juice's Dyna and felt relief. As much as I needed Tara and the comfort she provided I needed Juice more. I felt a presence behind me and glance over to see my mom, she gave Tara a look but backed down, she leaned over and kissed me lightly on the lips before she walked over to where my father was leading the procession. I couldn't look my father in the eye, I _knew _and it proved to be too much of a burden. I wasn't sure my relationship with my father would survive, no matter what we did. Shaking those thoughts out of my head I watched as the pallbearers carried the casket, Juice and Chibs took the front corners while Kip, Happy and two other Sons, from the Tacoma Charter, brought up the rear. As they placed the coffin on the rack Tara moved from me and let Juice cradle me in his arms. He held me as we placed blue carnations, Donna's favorite, on her coffin. After that we sat and I held Tara's hand while Juice placed a hand on my shoulder and refused to budge. Once he'd said he'd be strong so I didn't have to be, he kept that promise.

As the funeral progressed I kept my fingers pressed to my thigh, where Juice had given me the biggest, most painful bruise. It kept me sharp and alert. Pain and pleasure working in tandem were what I needed to remain sane. I stared at the coffin, willing Donna to get up, say it was a horrible joke. I'd kick her ass and we'd be done with it, but I knew it wouldn't happen. Suddenly Tara's hand left mine and she moved from her chair. My gaze left the coffin and I turned my head to see her grab the cut from Juice and walk to where my brother was walking up with a split lip and bruises. He shouldn't have come, not if he was going to interrupt the ceremony. Tara gave him his cut and kissed him. At any other time I would have approved of this show of ownership and acceptance, but not now. Jax held her hand before he walked to the casket and took a carnation kissing it before placing it back on the coffin. The gesture touched me and I cried for the first time that day, even pressing the bruise until my fingers were white couldn't stop the tears and Juice placed both hands on my shoulders as I continued to sob.

Soon after the ceremony everyone went their separate ways while I sat and continued to sob. Juice took the empty seat next to me and held me in his arms while I cried. Eventually there were no tears left and Juice kissed my forehead before he pressed his against mine.

"Wanna get out of here doll?" He asked as he placed a kiss to my temple.

"Yeah, how do you feel about heading North for a little while?" I wiped my eyes and gave him a pleading look.

"Wherever you wanna go baby?" He held my gaze and I took a deep breath.

"Haven't been to Portland in a long time and Looney owes you a favor." He smiled before he kissed me.

"We'll go home and pack. Be out of Charming by nightfall." He kissed me again and helped me out of my seat. Before we walked away I kissed my hand and placed it on Donna's coffin. When we got back home she'd be in the ground, I needed to say my goodbyes. Juice stood off to the side and watched me providing a solid presence for me to cling to.

"Well girl, this is it. You don't have to worry about Ope or the kids. I'll be there to help them and provide them with anything they need. I love you and I'll miss you forever. Goodbye Donna." I whispered the last and kissed my hand again, drifting it over the casket as I went to Juice. He placed an arm around my waist and walked me to his bike. I found the appropriate way to sit in my dress and soon enough we were on our way home.

As I packed for both of us, a small bag for each just something we could have on the bike. He called Dad and Looney to get permission for the trip. I was nervous, there was a very good chance Dad would make him stay but he came up as I finished with my bag and brought up the saddlebags. I looked from them to his bag and he swept the bag on the floor and packed his stuff in the saddlebags.

"They both gave their OK, but the trip's not gonna be long baby. They need us back next week." I nodded and checked the bathroom to make sure I had everything. I did, so I took off my dress and put on jeans and a t-shirt with my SAMCRO hoodie over and my boots before I slung my duffle across my back and Juice nodded at me. "Go down and wait by the bike baby. I need to make sure the house won't burn down while we're away."

I did as he asked and he came out twenty minutes later. After locking the door he fixed the saddlebag to the bike and got on. I sat behind him and moved in close. As we pulled out of the driveway and made our way toward Main Street I realized I was running again but this time I wasn't alone, as long as I had Juice I wouldn't be alone again.

* * *

**Author's Note:** All I have left is the Epilogue dear readers. Feel free to offer any suggestions for the further adventures of Milla and Juice. The way I have it set up is that each season will be a story with a one shot or two in between. Thank you all for reading, it means a lot.


	20. Epilogue

I own nothing you recognize. Only original characters are my own

**Epilogue**

"What does that look like to you Ellie doll?" I pointed to the cloud above us as we lay on the grass staring at the sky.

"I think it looks like a moose. Without the antlers." I smiled; she'd been doing a bit better since the funeral but had been spending almost every waking moment with me. Kenny usually spent time with Piney doing guy things but he was with us quite a bit too.

Life had been a whirlwind since Juice and I got back from Portland. I had a new job when I got back and Juice was backlogged with club business but it felt good to finally be home. In Portland Looney had put us up in a house the Club had bought to use for visitors and we'd spent the first couple of days just talking to each other, working out the issues that Donna's death had stirred up. He was terrified I was going to kill myself and I'd assured him that that wasn't the case. I would never leave him alone like that or Ellie, or Kenny, not even Ma. I was hurting and would probably have a small part of my heart raw forever but I wouldn't ever be a coward. After that we just spent time together, reconnecting in other ways. When we went back to Charming, our relationship was healthier that it had been in months.

"I think it looks like a llama." Ellie and I tilted our heads back to see Juice come down the back steps with a grocery bag in his hands. He sat down on the other side of Ellie and joined us in the cloud viewing. "How are my two favorite girls?"

"Good, Aunt Milla's going to take me and Kenny out for icecream later, after we watch High School Musical." Ellie smiled and I couldn't help but join her.

"I thought I broke that DVD." Juice groaned as Ellie and I shared a conspiratorial giggle.

"You broke one, but Ellie doll and I picked up another when we went school shopping yesterday." He groaned but then laughed with us.

We watched the clouds for a little while longer before Ellie and I got up to go watch our movie. As I was going to join Ellie in the house Juice stopped me and held my wrist in his hand.

"What is it baby?" He held my wrist tighter and pulled me down the stairs.

"I spent some time talking to Clay today. He misses you, wants his little girl back. He knows you have an issue with the club and wants you to know where he's coming from. Take these in the house, read them. Then talk to Clay. First take care of Ellie." He handed me the grocery bag and I stared at it before I leaned down and kissed his cheek.

I went in the house and set the bag on the kitchen table. Ellie was sitting in front of the tv, trying to figure out Juice's complex entertainment center and I had to smile. I only knew how to work the DVD player, I needed Juice if I wanted to do anything else. I had her sit on the couch and put on the DVD before I pulled her into my arms and held her while we watched the movie. Juice came into the house and sat in the living room with us, asking questions and making fun of me as I sang along to the songs with Ellie. I flipped him off and enjoyed the time with Ellie. Once the movie was done I had Ellie get her coat and we went to get Kenny from Piney's.

When I got home I found a note from Juice letting me know he was going to be gone for the night and I groaned in frustration. He had been doing more and more for the Club lately and I missed him. Admittedly I could go to the clubhouse to spend time with him but I was avoiding it like the plague. As I went into the kitchen to get something to drink I saw the bag on the table and my curiosity got the better of me. Inside there were files, a notebook filled with my Dad's chicken scratch and pictures of the club. For the first time since we'd buried Donna images of the reaper didn't fill me with a panic or sadness. I smiled as I ran a finger over my Dad's face as he sat on his bike with the First 9, he was so young and handsome. I found myself missing my father as I looked through the pictures and started reading his notebook. I felt tears fill my eyes as I read an entry.

"_Got back from the Portland patch over today in time to see my little girl born. Millicent Gemma Morrow born at 7:35 am at St. Thomas. Gemma didn't want me in the room but there was no way I was missing my kid coming into the world. We had hoped and prayed for a boy but I can't say I'm disappointed. She's the most beautiful little girl I've ever seen and I can tell I'm going to have to bust a lot of heads as she gets older. I'd kill for her and die for her, I even got Jackson to make a pledge. He'll kill for her too, at least this is one thing I can count on the boy for. This kid will be the heart of SAMCRO, she'll help pull us out of this downward spiral we've been in since John died. Everything I do from now on will be to make her happy, keep her safe."_

I closed the notebook and looked through the files as I wiped my tears. The files contained information about club expenses and club history. I laughed as I read a note from Tig to my Dad, explaining that he couldn't take me to kindergarten because he had an issue with my teacher, he'd nailed her at the previous party. The final note in the folder made me smile and cry at once. It was a formal request from Juice, requesting that I be allowed the crow, _his_ crow. He detailed everything he felt for me. Until that moment I didn't even realize that he viewed me as his reason for being a Son. His patch was tied to me and I couldn't ignore that. Attached to the note was Dad's reply.

_"As President of the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club Redwood Original, I hereby give my permission to place the crow, a symbol of ownership and club insignia, upon the person of Millicent Gemma Morrow. Placement to be decided by Millicent Gemma Morrow and marking to be done by Manuel "Happy" Torres of the Tacoma Charter."_

Paper clipped onto the back was a note that had me giggling uncontrollably:

"_If you hurt her they will never find your body. Don't be an idiot, she's my baby, my fucking world and I won't think twice about killing you. If I ever hear you talking about her giving you head in the clubhouse I'll castrate you. Just keep her happy and don't talk about your sex life."_

Soon enough I had read everything and seen all the pictures. I needed to talk to my Dad. It was still light enough when I drove into the TM lot and was pleased to see my Dad's bike among the row. Taking a deep breath I got out and walked into the clubhouse. My Dad was sitting at a table leaning and talking quietly to Tig before he looked up and saw me. He got a smile on his face and waved me over while Tig looked back and a looked of sadness and guilt etched themselves on his face. With a pat to my Dad's arm Tig got up and I took his spot.

"I missed you baby girl. Did you read the stuff?"He set his cigar in an ashtray and leaned closer to me.

"Yes, I read it. Dad, after everything with Donna…you had to know things wouldn't be like they used to. She's dead and I know in my heart it's because of the club." I looked down and felt him tense up, but I continued. "Regardless of who pulled the trigger the point is she died because of her attachment to SAMCRO and I just can't ignore that fact. I didn't want to be part of this after it happened but this bag and Juice made me realize that I am SAMCRO, in my blood and down to my bones. For every painful, horrible memory there are a dozen happy ones. Like when you had the entire charter lining the wall of my first school dance to make sure my date didn't try anything. Getting picked up and taken to school by a brother every day to make sure I was safe, the parties and the charity rides. People die, everyday, and yes I still love Donna more than most other people but I can't let this take me away from the only family I've ever known."

Dad grabbed my hands in his and placed a kiss across my knuckles. All was forgiven and I clutched his hands.

"I love you baby girl, more than anyone else in the world. You are my world and it broke my heart when you pulled away from us. Can we count on you again?" His question caught me off guard but I could answer truthfully.

"Yes, you can count on me. This is my family and I'm not saying that things won't be strained but I will work through my issues. Juice is a Son and it would be horribly unfair to make him choose. Just give me time to get in the groove again Dad." Dad nodded and came around the table pulling me into a tight hug. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my face against his cut. The feel of the leather and the smell of my father calmed me again and I held back my tears, I didn't want to get his cut wet.

The next day I met up with Juice while I was on my lunch break. Elliot needed some dry cleaning picked up and a birthday present for Tristen so I was given an extended lunch, perfect time for me to meet with my man and discuss what I had spent the night mulling over. As I sat in Stumpy's I heard a bike pull up and smiled as Juice got out and walked in, giving the waitress a smile before his eyes locked on mine and he made his way over.

"Hey baby." He leaned down and gave me a gentle kiss as I texted Elliot with the dry cleaning details.

"Hey yourself, want some of my fries while we wait for Jeanie to come for your order?" He didn't need to be asked twice and immediately attacked the fries.

"What do you wanna talk about?" He knew I didn't just call him over for food and I loved that he understood me so well.

"I want us to get married baby, next week. I have the paperwork right here. I thought we could fill it out and take it to the notary before I went back to Elliot and you went back to the garage." I didn't have to say anything else. As soon as I took the paperwork out of my satchet he grabbed it and the pen and got to work, filling out everything from memory. I had filled it out while I waited for him to show up and was pleased when he noticed an error and had me correct it; he really wanted to marry me. As soon as it was filled out he started to get out of the booth and I stopped him.

"Wait, there's still lunch to be had." He looked impatient but moved back in the booth anyway. "We've waited this long, what's another few minutes."

Jeannie came around and he ordered his usual while he told me how much it would effectively cost to go to Reno that night and come back in two days as opposed to waiting for a Justice of the Peace in Charming. I countered by letting him know that if my Mom and Dad were not present for our nuptials there was a good chance he would be minus a favored appendage. He conceded and we ate our lunch. I couldn't stop smiling I had a good man, a good job and a family I could count on. Things were sure to be rocky but as long as I had Juice we could weather any storm that came our way.

* * *

**Author's Note:** There you are Season One down. I will continue the story of Milla and Juice into Season 2 and then onto Season 3. Now I'm in the process of writing a oneshot between the Seasons. Thank you all so much for reading.


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